Thursday, May 26, 2016

Convoy Agaisnt Cancer



Coping mechanisms come in all different forms. Sometimes we blind ourselves with happiness, and moments that bring us joys. Others, we distract ourselves keeping incredibly busy for more reasons than I can count. During this season of my life, I've somehow learned to become an avoider of situations. At one time in my life, I shamelessly faced every feeling and heart break right on my sleeve. But with my heart obviously in some form of heartbreak that I don't even understand on most days all for the sake of my parents, it's better to distract myself for the good rather than making wrinkles upon my face.

It's been a while since I've updated on the prognosis of his cancer, and what has been going on in the last two months, I can only apologize. My heart and my mind has really been at a loss for words on how to speak of this. On April 6, after a turn of events my parents were told that the cancer my Dad has been battling has spread to his brain, involving 17 lesions. The day before my sister and brother in law blessed our family with a new healthy beautiful baby boy. My heart was overjoyed but also mixed with many emotions. While I celebrated my new nephew Tytus Timothy, I also longed to help my parents rejoice in someway and to also keep us all distracted from the cancer that is batting on.



On May 14, along with the help of many others I held a benefit auction, BBQ dinner, and Convoy Against Cancer to help with the medical expenses for my Dad. While I never believed that an event in which became so large could be so gracefully laid out, it literally happened and only be the hands of God. During the planning and organization of other events, even birthday parties, I've been anxious and a demon to say the least. But somehow, someway the event just laid our perfectly and the only explanation of this is the many hands of thousands (yes, thousand) of people that helped in some form. This day could've never been a hint of perfection that it was, without their help.


In the days leading to the Convoy Against Cancer, my Dad had only one small request for the day. This small request was to drive a semi in the convoy, leading the way to the Harper Equipment and Auction Building. While this made us worried at the sake of the motions of the rig causing a seizure of some sort that have been cursing him since the beginning of April, we also wanted this day to be perfect for him. Thankfully, my Mom is more of the form of a super woman and was able to ride along side of him to take over driving if need be.



While we thought this would be perfect, we never dreamed of just how beautiful and humbling this experience would be. As many of us stood along side the road and entrance way into where the event would be held, we watched as my parents drove up smiling ear to ear with 41 other semis behind him Some may remember that one of the hardest parts of this journey for us was watching my Dad sell the dream truck, that he loved so much. So, you may also be wondering whose semi he could've been trucking along in, leading the way... While I may not know this persons name, and all who involved in the process it was a truck fixed up in love and friendship for my Dad to drive at some point. These fine men also placed his nickname/CB just under the window, like every honorable trucker would have. I can never thank these men enough, and I'm sure they were able to witness his smile first hand. But I'm not so sure they could see my tears strolling down my cheeks at the thought of just how happy he was in that very moment of being behind the wheel once again.
(You guys are literally incredible.)



Even though we all often say how we have lost hope within the world, I gained so much of my hopelessness back during this day, and the days following. After watching the trucks convoy in, while train horns rolled and thumbs up were given, we all headed in to prepare for dinner.

I literally stood astonished in front of the crowd, not only because public speaking isn't my, "thing" but due to the 600 plus people that came to love and support my parents. We planned for 300 to serve dinner to, not knowing what to expect and somehow we managed to not run out of food. I really shouldn't even try to describe how wonderful the food was, because I'm fairly certain that I will start craving it. At the end of the night, we were even able to auction of nine gallon size bags full of meat. Curtis and I tried to win the bid, but with no such luck it didn't happen for us. Now speaking of the auction, it honestly may fill my eyes with tears to even write about the auction alone. 





It was literally an amazing experience. From the first item auctioned, ( a country ham that was donated by the local Sheriff was bought and donated back at least twelve times, bringing the total of this glorious ham alone to $2,200. I'm still inquiring with my parents on putting this high priced pork on display.) to the last item auctioned almost four hours later. Even Bryar can attest to the amazing job our auctioneers did during this long night, as he has not stated he will finish speech therapy strongly just so he can talk fast like his new found buds.

Exhaustion the next day couldn't have even been close to the way my mind felt. I was sincerely overwhelmed and filled with joy that I still can barely fathom, from the amount of money raised to the loved filled with had. I'm more than certain that none of us will ever experience another day that was this incredible, just like we will never meet another man that is as wonderful as the man that has chosen to be our Dad. If I could ever repay all of the people that helped make this day such a wonderful success, you all would be millionaires. It was more incredible than I can ever describe through this mediocre blog.


We are all overly grateful for the love that you have given, "Marcel." While the days of battling cancer are long for him and my Mom, we continue to ask for prayers. This couple amazes me each and every day with their proof of love, faith and hope through the hardest of circumstances.








Monday, May 2, 2016

The Greatest Casualty..

The greatest casualty is being forgotten. 


I recently read this on someone's shirt. The quote, the words, the many aspects that it could be taken in took me off guard for a moment. I thought of the thousands of soldiers that have been lost in a casualty of war. The roughly millions of others lost by suicides. But also the legacy that each of us leave behind. 

I started this blog around eight years ago. At the time, I was single but also a Mother. Even though I knew that I had wonderful parents to help provide for Charli girl if something were to even happen to me, I was also scared that she wouldn't remember me. Now, here we are roles reversed. I watch as my Dad battles daily. I listen to my Mother's worries and literally some nights just cling to the texts from my sister asking if she feels this roller coaster ride that makes us both want to throw tantrums. 


Watching someone battle cancer is truly a cycle of grief, that seems never ending. I wake up on Monday mornings in a rush to school to somehow ignore the fact that my parents are already up taking medicine or heading to appointments. I'm an avoider. If I avoid the situation, then it's not really happening. But by lunch, the cycle is already rotating. I'm going from avoidance, to crying, to just being mad. 

It may be selfish motives but it's truth. My life will never be the same, all because of his life. My heart longs to have more years, more jokes and tons of laughter to carry us a long the way. 

I told my Mom tonight that my personality is more true with him that anyone else. {That even includes my husband.} We get each other. We get the sarcasm, morbid and even corny jokes. My happiest moments as a tween, were spent flying over the couch like a spider monkey just to tackle him. I miss those days, and I will never forget them. 

"The greatest casualty is being forgotten," will never take place in this daughters heart. My heart may be grieving, and I will continue to hurt. But my happy will continue to lie within the smile of this 49 year old man, that didn't have to choose to be our Dad and is putting up the perfect fight against the demon called cancer.


---

While I'm in my stage of avoiding, we have coordinated an event to help with medical expenses. This is taking place on May 14, with a truck show, BBQ and auction. The memories that he can make there on this night with so many loved ones will be more precious than any money that is brought in. Please pray that this is a blessing to both of my parents in many, many ways. 


Story of Mommy

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I am a sinner saved by the grace of God. A wife to the 5oh, and Mother to Charli Beth and Bryar. This is my story of Motherhood, life experiences and sometimes even my overwhelming heart all typed out. I believe in second chances, yet the firm hand of parenting. That sweet tea is of the comfort food category. Chickens belong in every backyard. Children should each have a responsibility of their own while helping take care of duties in the home. Sports are a must for our family, and we spend many nights on courts or fields. We consistently feel new to each of the experiences that are brought into our lives. But we are always excited for the journey in which God has given us.

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--If you have any questions or just want to chat, feel free to email me! @ paigeleana@yahoo.com --

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