Wednesday, August 25, 2010

If you really knew me

I am joining in on the MTV idea of "If you really knew me." I have watched this show on a few different occasions, although for the most part I try to stay away from most of the MTV shows. This show kind of breaks my heart for some of these teenagers that feel so lost in the high school world that they are in.

Cliques are such a horrible part of high school, I am sure that I can get an amen out of that! I am thankful that our class did not have a horrible time with them, everyone spoke to everyone.

Since I hardly ever write about my fabulous self on my blog I figured that I would copy borrow everyone's idea and share somethings that you may or may not know.

If you really knew me, you would know that...

*I constantly think that people are possibly talking about me. I always have. I truly believe it's because I am self conscious on so many levels.

*I want nothing more than to just be the happiest of happy - stress free is defiantly for me.

*Whenever I was 5 my Mother married a man that turned abusive several years later. I hate him with a passion for hurting us. But thankful God lead her to my Dad now.

*I work 3rd and 2nd shift each week. It is such a struggle to keep up and I complain about my job daily.

*I do not know my real Father and am thankful that I do not.

*I want more children and get baby fever, way to often than I should.

*I play softball until I was 17 and then played volleyball my Senior year of high school. How I wished those days away, but miss them so much now.

*I do not have many friends. I can count about three off the top of my head and two of them are my Mother and Sister. I can never figure out why it is so hard for me to make friends.

*I am in love.

*If it looks like I am some hilly billy crack head in a picture with two missing teeth, I promise I'm not, I have two baby teeth.

*He picked drugs over my daughter and me, which is totally okay, because I have found love.

*I cannot vomit (tmi, i know) it is not "physically" possible for me.

*I have several scars from surgery while an infant, dog bite, stitches, road rash.

*I build up walls to protect my heart because I do not ever want to go through that kind of pain again.

*Going to college is not only for stability and more money in the future but because I need to feel accomplishment in my life.

*I am horrible with pets, but I love having them!

*Sarcasm is my second language.

*I lost a best friend 5 years ago, which was also 5 days after CB was born. I am helping with her sisters wedding next weekend, and I pray that I am able to make it through it without breaking down.

*If you would have known me as a child, you would know that I am not scared of snakes. I scared my Mom half to death by putting a baby copperhead in our kitchen trash, because I didn't want my pups to get into it.

*I almost delivered a preterm baby that it's Mother had done meth the day before and didn't "know" she was pregnant. It was the scariest yet most exciting moments. I see her every so often and she cannot look me in the eyes.

*I listen to country music only. Rap music gives me a headache now, is this a sign of getting old?

*I blame myself for a man that drown in our county during the May 2010 floods, because we didn't have enough units to get to him.

*I am a 911 dispatcher and a EMT although I still feel like I have not helped anyone.

*My birthday is on September 11 & the number 11 freaks me out.

*I had my nose pierced two days before I turned 18 with my dorm roommate. I tragically lost mine while getting my epidural.

*I named my daughter after my Pappaw even though I have very few memories of him.

*A boyfriend of mine in high school got in a fight with my "hick" friends as people call them around here and his parents forbid him to see me. I went to his Dad's work the next day and showed by butt by trying to ask for forgiveness and let him know it was not anything that I did. They still hate me today, but I secretly think it's funny because that boy deserved a black eye ;o)

*My family grew tobacco whenever I was growing up and I actually miss it. I want to live on a farm so bad I cannot stand it. I long to be a farmer's wife.

*Bubble gum freaks me out. I secretly want to throw up when Charli looks under the table and tells me how many pieces of chewed up gum are under it. YUCK!

*My first high school boyfriend was whenever I was freshman and he was senior. I thought I (insert throw up here) loved him. He ended up dating my best friend right after me, oh and then he married her once she graduated. It was awkward and caused me a little to much drama throughout my high school years.

There you go now you know a little bit more about yours truly. I would love to know more about some of you all!


Jillian said...

I am so in your boat about the insecure thing!! I feel and sometimes know people are always talking about it!!

Becca said...

I watched that show once when the girl had attempted suicide. It's so sad! I think it's great that you shared all these things about your life. I think I'm try and join in tomorrow. HUGS for all of those not-so-great things you shared :(

heather g said...

I've watched that show a few times it is kinda sad.i was always shy,and picked on some in school so i know what some of that is like.Interesting post as i didn't know a lot of those things. I'm here for ya to be a friend i feel we haven't talked much lately and we could be better friends possibly.i dont have that many irl (in real life) friends as i talk to several online only a select few are my close friends and stuff like that.

Jessica said...

Thanks for sharing! It takes a really big person to put everything out there like that.

I am also very self conscious & always feel like people are talking about me too. My friends & family don't realize it though bc I always try to act like it doesn't bother me. I'm usually really quiet until you get to know me. People think (and have said) that I am stuck up, but I'm really just shy at first. It bothers me because I care way too much about what other people think.

You may not think that you have helped anyone yet being a dispatcher, but there are people out there that owe their lives to you! Hold your head up girl!

I think it's pretty cool that you can't physically vomit! Haha! I wish I couldn't because I absolutely hate it!

Brandi said...

Thanks for sharing we are a lot a like in a few ways. I find it hard to make friends too I dont know why. I really only have one good girl friend and my sister and neice. I also can not vomit (lol) I can only recall doing it once when I was in elementary school and I was so sick. My daddy is a farmer I have always been a farm girl and I love it.

Kelsey712 said...

I can completely relate to your post. Drew and I talk all the time about how I think I have "no friends". He says that girls are just different than guys. I talk to two people on the phone, him and my mom. His phone blows up constantly. Anyway, I can definitely relate. Once your school schedule slows down we'll have to get together and have lunch. That would be fun.

Heather said...

I always have that same feeling that people are talking about me. Matt always tells me that people aren't out to get me, but after some past experiences it's hard to move and think that. I think you are way too hard on yourself though, it sounds like you have been through alot and God is using you!! I would be your friend, am your friend! Thanks for sharing more about you!!


I love this revealing post. there is no doubt you have helped many - even in just what you shared.

I'll have to do something like this one day. great post.

take care and LOVE that picture.

The Wife said...

Love this post. I have watched this show a few times and it totally breaks my heart as well. I love how you are so truthful! I think we would totally be friends if we knew each other in real life!

Annie said...

That show makes me sad too!! I loved this post. It was so honest and I know so much more about you now. You are too hard on yourself girl!....but I feel like we are a lot alike :)

Lexie Loo & Dylan Too said...

I loved learning more about you!

ashley said...

I just have to know, how can you not be able to throw up??? Oh and the baby teeth, I had seven of them left until I was 16 then had them all pulled just so I could get braces. Sometimes, they just want to stay there forever. :)

Story of Mommy

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I am a sinner saved by the grace of God. A wife to the 5oh, and Mother to Charli Beth and Bryar. This is my story of Motherhood, life experiences and sometimes even my overwhelming heart all typed out. I believe in second chances, yet the firm hand of parenting. That sweet tea is of the comfort food category. Chickens belong in every backyard. Children should each have a responsibility of their own while helping take care of duties in the home. Sports are a must for our family, and we spend many nights on courts or fields. We consistently feel new to each of the experiences that are brought into our lives. But we are always excited for the journey in which God has given us.

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