In 27 years I have always felt blessed to not have known someone personally that has been affected by cancer. I have known of people, I've prayed for others and I have heard of thousands of different cases. But three weeks ago, my 27 year count came to a close when my Dad was diagnosed.
It has felt like a grieving process that we have been going through. I believe that I am grieving that this man, this good, heart of gold man is having to go through a testimony that I wish no one would ever have to experience. I've been sad, I've cried on a playground full of preschool friends as my Mom called to keep me updated with results. I've cried to God in confusion, and in anger.
Yet the hardest moment I've endured has been crying, arms in arms with my eight year old daughter on her bed. To have to explain to her that her Pa, who we lived with for her first five years of life has "the bad c word." To have to explain to her the unknown and how we cannot let that effect our attitudes or control our lives was gut wrenching to me as a parent. Her attitude and maturity that night was such a blessing to me. As I explained how we cannot let the bad thoughts of "the bad C word" control our lives she states to me a quote that she once heard.
To see her mind become positive after we prayed, cried and just held one another while talking was such a blessing to me. It is comforting having a young innocent spirit to keep my mind in place as well.
My Mom has been more than amazing during these last three weeks. Her strength has out poured for her Husband and us as well. This is her one true love and to say that she needs prayers during this time is an understatement as well.
In closing, I would ask that each of you prayer for my Dad, (Tim.) We recieved the phone call today that it is stage III rectal cancer that is within his lymph nodes. The doctor did visualize something within his bladder during the MRI that seems concerning as well - she will be setting them up with a urologist. The oncology appointment should be made by Thursday and they have told him to expect six weeks of chemo with radiation, then surgery then chemo again.
This is difficult and has changed his spirits a bit from wanting to make sure that he is able to provide for his family. My Dad is a truck driver and this time off work will dramatically change their livelihood. Yet, I know that The Lord will make these means work.
It is such a difficult process even just as his child to watch and listen to the details of. It's hard to speak about it and not feel an extereme amount of guilt for some reason. I have not spoke to a great deal of friends because I just do not have the words. To say that he doesn't deserve this experince is so, cliche because of his heart of gold yet I just keep telling my self that over and over.
I know who is in charge, and my comfort lies there.