I recently read this on someone's shirt. The quote, the words, the many aspects that it could be taken in took me off guard for a moment. I thought of the thousands of soldiers that have been lost in a casualty of war. The roughly millions of others lost by suicides. But also the legacy that each of us leave behind.
I started this blog around eight years ago. At the time, I was single but also a Mother. Even though I knew that I had wonderful parents to help provide for Charli girl if something were to even happen to me, I was also scared that she wouldn't remember me. Now, here we are roles reversed. I watch as my Dad battles daily. I listen to my Mother's worries and literally some nights just cling to the texts from my sister asking if she feels this roller coaster ride that makes us both want to throw tantrums.
Watching someone battle cancer is truly a cycle of grief, that seems never ending. I wake up on Monday mornings in a rush to school to somehow ignore the fact that my parents are already up taking medicine or heading to appointments. I'm an avoider. If I avoid the situation, then it's not really happening. But by lunch, the cycle is already rotating. I'm going from avoidance, to crying, to just being mad.
It may be selfish motives but it's truth. My life will never be the same, all because of his life. My heart longs to have more years, more jokes and tons of laughter to carry us a long the way.
I told my Mom tonight that my personality is more true with him that anyone else. {That even includes my husband.} We get each other. We get the sarcasm, morbid and even corny jokes. My happiest moments as a tween, were spent flying over the couch like a spider monkey just to tackle him. I miss those days, and I will never forget them.
"The greatest casualty is being forgotten," will never take place in this daughters heart. My heart may be grieving, and I will continue to hurt. But my happy will continue to lie within the smile of this 49 year old man, that didn't have to choose to be our Dad and is putting up the perfect fight against the demon called cancer.
---
While I'm in my stage of avoiding, we have coordinated an event to help with medical expenses. This is taking place on May 14, with a truck show, BBQ and auction. The memories that he can make there on this night with so many loved ones will be more precious than any money that is brought in. Please pray that this is a blessing to both of my parents in many, many ways.
1 comment:
Been in my thoughts, tried a few months ago to ask how your Dad was doing, somehow never got posted or answered. I recently lost my Dad, he died suddenly with out illness. There was no time left to make special memories to last, so I wish you much love, laughter and blessings of peace, and continued hope that against the odds he will be here to see your little girl get married. He will never be forgotten!
Love, from someone you have never met, but cares and will be holding your family up in prayer.
Debbie W
Post a Comment