God Doesn't Waste Pain.

"God is using all of your experiences both good and bad, to develop your character to match His calling."

In the midst of trying times, we often ask God for his mercies before thanking him for the blessings we receive daily. I know this, because I quiet often do it more than I would like to admit. It's human nature, "to ask than shall receive." But as I look back on my daily talks with my tiniest little human loves, I realize that I am failing at this very important gospel tactic. 

It's been 47 days since my Dad took his final breath and leaped into the arms of our Savior. While this time was peaceful, as we knew his cancer battle had been won, we ache. We ache in trying to hide pain so well. Or how my own spirit is a little more crushed each night, that he and I do not share a laugh. That my soon coming birthday seems more sad and how I wish for the day to pass without notice, all because it draws back memories of him feeling so well at my last birthday. The birthday where he picked on me, just as we so often did to one another and how I long for the moments to reoccur. 

Then again, I also long to finish this testimony in fulfilling his wants and his determination to spread the gospel. 

At some moments, I sit and think about what a powerful statement and task this might me for someone like me. Someone who is just learning the order of the books in the bible, the gospel stories, and studying the word. Because let's face it, my four year old little mission friends can probably recall more than I can at this moment. Yet, even through all of my ignorance and trials to learn more there is something that I consistently teach each child in my life... There are many ways to spread the gospel in our lost world. 

While we are striving to know more, it doesn't mean that we cannot shower someone with joy. Joy can be shared in many different forms of the gospel light. These can be cards, simple texts, smiles, holding the door, or even volunteering. While I have been overly blessed with the out pouring love from so many families during my life, it is now that I see there's more to this than just kindness. It was a much more higher calling of spreading the gospel in a different form of love. 

When my Dad would gently place an over exceeding tip amount to a waiter or waitress, he wasn't just being kind. When he bought Christmas gifts for children near by, that he knew would benefit from the joy of the morning, it wasn't just kindness. Or the amount of times he drove me around while I fussed and fretted about life itself, he wasn't just being my Dad. 

Even in our on blindness it sometimes takes us believers to realize that the gospel can be shared in many lights. As the gospel is such a very powerful thing.  

My Mother in law recently told me, "God doesn't waste pain" while I fretted over a sweet friends leukemia diagnosis. As us Kentucky folks often like to say, "this spun me for a loop." She is a woman of wisdom and solid biblical words, and I understood at that exact moment exactly what she meant by this simple statement. 

While my pain is hard and fresh, I pray that this pain can be wrapped into a bundle of God stricken moments. That I can ask the Lord to fulfill me with a calling that I know can bless others with sharing parts of our story. Wether this be in a moment of friendship, passing of a stranger, or some random waiter telling our family a story of how he would like to take a trip home. May I be brave and bold enough to carry out the gospel in which He has laid before me. But most of all, that I always remember that God has laid out a plan for my life, one that is much greater than I have invisioned. That my pain may be real, but it shall not be wasted. 

Makin' Preschool Great Again...

This week has been exhausting, embracing and very incredibly fun. The first weeks of preschool getting to know new little ones is something that I have always loved. You can see personalities shine through even within the first minutes of meeting a child. I even sometimes wish I were this way. It's so much easier to make conversation when you're a complete open book of innocent hearts. Which I have to say is my favorite thing about children. 

My little open book of hilarious humor is getting to spend his last preschool year in the classroom with us again. We are fairly used to the routine of school, and going back wasn't such a big deal to him. But to me knowing that this is his last experience with us, is slightly bittersweet. I even get a little frantic at time thinking he needs to be reading or sounding outsight letters together. But then I snap back into preschool mode to realize that his little brain, with a huge imagination is doing just fine. This year he's prepared to work hard, and I'm ready to just enjoy him - most days. 

It took me forever to come up with an, "oh so perfect" shift for his first day back, because this is technically his {almost} third year. Then one night it hit me... 

And I giggled at myself for so long until my sweet husband told me I was being a dork. I will give a big disclaimer here to state "I am not compaigning for Donald Trump. I'm just a quirky old Mom who loves shirts to celebrate occasions." 

Bryar reallllly enjoyed his morning photo shoot (insert sarcastic voice) and absolutely loved taking a picture with his Mama. 

But I will have to say that he is the most precious sight. Those baby blue, hair cut and sweet freckles make my heart crumble. 

Not only did he start back to school this week, he also is on his way to becoming a baseball super star. How he's waited for this season of life with excitement. The little high fives from his teammates and yell from the field, "I surely am sweating" made me giggle and even tear up. What a reminder of just how much of a Mom, I truly am. 

By Friday after school, volleyball, baseball and church was literally laying in a detox bath with my "bones" aching. I'm not sure if this a sign of my old age acting up, or just how lazy I am. Either way at 28, if was pretty pathetic. At the end of the day, to prepare starting a Saturday with a dentist appointment it's always nice to remind ourselves how quickly this season of life will fly by, and how babies don't keep. 

Fun In Fifth Grade

This has been a week full of emotions. A time of excitement, nervousness, sadness and happiness in others. We quickly went from being ill prepared for school time, to throwing ourselves in full force. I sometimes believe that my Mommy heart feels new to this each new school year, then at other I feel like a seasoned champ. With softball, football, PTO, school, work, and soon to be volleyball and baseball, I already feel as nutty as the ending of May. 

On Tuesday, we finally took the step of getting Charli Beth's braces on. Thankfully she only has the top, and should be able to have them removed within eight months. Should be a breeze, right? Except for my little wallet that's already cringing at the statements. 

Isn't she cute though? It's truly amazing how much her teeth have already changed. They have straightened as well as tightened. 

I could tell that her first day of school was a blast from the excitement in her stories. She was ecstatic over her teachers, and the friends that she has. Of course, we had to celebrate the first day with a tasty sundae for us all to share.

I believe this year may bring her more joy than she ever expected. 

The rest of her week seemed to have been spent having fun and getting to know her teachers fairly well. We slacked on bringing in teacher gift during the first three days of school, but I finally finished prepping and she'll be taking in a summer project of ours. 

Peach preserves. Really? Who wouldn't love something so corny to say that you hope their summer was just "peachy."

Yep... I'm still THAT weird mom. 

Hashtag, forever and always. 

Summers End

Tonight I laid my ten year old daughter down to tuck into bed. I kissed her, told her goodnight and reminded her once more than when she wakes she will be a true fifth grader. At one time her sweet innocent mind called herself a, "no grader" until school actually started. Which I have to admit, that I'm pretty okay with.

It doesn't matter how many times I've been through the process of first day of schools, each one tugs my Mommy heart. The older the more the nerves start working. I worry about her many test scores. How she will befriend others, and how they may even like my tiny little, "mighty mouse" of a daughter. I wonder how she will adjust to a new independent grade level, of switching classes and keeping her head high. If she will find her voice, and become more confident in that area that she struggles most in. 

I could literally worry and ponder all night. 

But this year I won't. 

Not because she's older. But because I know that whatever is thrown her way, she will handle it with care. If she doesn't she'll pick it back up to try again. 

-There's always that one Summer that changes you.-

This hasn't been a fun Summer. It most certainly wasn't an easy one. It was hot, tiresome, aching at times, and down  right heartbreaking the rest. This Summer has been one of many that I've learned things about myself during. Although, my dear girl may not realize it just as I have not in the past, this was her Summer to begin learning things about herself. 

-During the hardest of times, we learn our strengths and weaknesses. -

Summer 2016, showed Charli how much love she has in her heart. That even when she wants to refuse to do something, she will step until she is out of her comfort zone to love another. It may be baby steps, but she inches her way to whatever it takes. She realized that even in the most uncomfortable, awkward, and gut wrenching situations it's okay to be yourself. Not only is it okay, it's a must. 

Her work ethic took leaps and bounds in helping everyone she could. From working in the garden, canning preserves, cleaning a house, or taking care of chickens that we preyed upon. She learned, she conquered and now we both know all she can handle.

I'll never say that this year won't be easy. Or that I won't worry about her confidence, heart or what all is stored in her little brain. I just know that this girl has proven so very much to me this summer and I couldn't be anymore proud. 

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My prayer for my tiny fifth grader is that she never sways from the qualities that are placed within her heart of gold. That if she were to ever loose focus that she remembers how much more fun life is, when we give a little more than we already have. For, "I know you got mountains to climb, But always stay humble and kind." 

May this school year be wonderful.