Wednesday, September 21, 2016

It's more than just a shirt...

As you look upon my oversized shirt today, you may wonder why I picked it. Could it be from the spirit week, we are enjoying at school? Or the fact that I love anything that screams comfort out to my Mama weight that's lingering in all places of my body. In all reality, it's all of these things plus a day that I am able to feel closer connected. Yes, by wearing an oversized shirt. 


But this isnt just a shirt that I'm wearing. It's stitches of memories sewn together. This isn't just something oversized and tropical. It's a shirt that gave me too many laughs to count from. Because it's  a shirt that my Mom couldn't stand, but my Dad loved to wear. It may have been it's comfort that he loved, but it could've also been the picking mechanism that he loved to hand out to her. 

It's a reminder of laughter, joy and most of all love. It's more than just a shirt. But buttons of dignity, that you can never loose a battle to cancer when you have Hope in Christ. But only to win and rejoice within glorious beams of heaven. 

It's more than just a shirt. But a reminder of too many puffs of cologne, or lazy days upon the beach. It's more than just a shirt. It's a reminder of his strong body, that was the Pa whom could fix all. 


It may be just an oversized, tacky tropical shirt to you but it's one that brings joy to a broken heart. You may give me funny looks when I come face to face with you today. But know that I'm not just wearing something found in an old box. It may be a keepsake forever tucked away after today, but each time I see it I'll smile and remember the joy within his laughter.  

My blog won't always be filled with emotions of grief. But if you've ever lost a loved one, or someone you're so closely connected to, you'll understand. I don't just write to be heard, but to let my memories flow and rejoice in all that we've triumphed as a family. Sorrow and grief are tricky, funny, roller coasters of emotions. Sometimes we just need to feel sad, and others we just have to do something to make us smile. Today I'm going to enjoy wearing this shirt that I've had on my mind for tropical day, just to smile and even to tell his story some more. It may mean nothing to you, but to me it means everything. 

Sunday, September 18, 2016

29 forever.

Each year I blow out my candles on Septemeber 11. All while our country mourns in remembrance of so many innocent lives that were lost. I, myself remember the day so vivedily and if you are of a certain age, I'm quiet sure you do as well. The day that America was attacked, was a day that changed lives forever. For a young teenage girl, it became the day that I was able to get a cell phone. In my silliness of immaturity, I thought it was because I was hip and cool. But in reality it was that my parents were scared, and wasn't sure what lied ahead for our nation. 


It's amazing to look back to 15 years ago, and what journey my life has taken me through. The times that I really wasn't sure I would make it to the next day. Then days that I aged into an adult all from seeing two pink lines on a white strip. There are still moments in time that I wonder how life has become something that I don't understand. But as I sat in church this morning, listening to the gospel as I most certainly need, I was reminded of how "God knows."

My heart may still be broken from the recent passing of the man I called Dad. And silent moments to myself are mainly filled with weeping, as the missing is more than I can bare to find joy within. But God knows. He knows the situation, and most certainly knows the purpose of our families journey - of my journey. 


While I didn't want to celebrate my birthday this year, because of the memories it held from my last. We have.  Even though it took a lot of prayers, and even tears, we survived our first cook out as a family without him there. Our first prayer without his voice praising God, while we all held hands, was filled with my own. It was gut wrenching. 


But we will make it. We will find the joy for God knows the purpose of this journey, and most of all he knows our hearts. 

We celebrated. We laughed. We hugged. We decorated, Held hands, told stories, blew out candles, opened gifts, and played games. 



It may not be the same but our joy came, and will continue to do so. For this, I am thankful that my journey is known by the the Creator of all and I can find joy within the breath of life - and the years of candles of I am capable of blowing out. 



Friday, September 16, 2016

A Busy Season of Firsts

There is something special about new seasons of life. They can be exciting, scary, draining, and even tiresome. During this season I am experiencing every single emotion. The back to school spirits are wearing off and we are in full blown crazy mode of softball, football, volleyball and baseball.


Yes, baseball. We are in the time frame of not being home one single night until the weekends, and getting to bed so late sometimes that it's quiet shameful. Bryar has excitedly started playing baseball for a five and under league. He's been over the moon happy for his moments on the field. 


Most of the times the bright little moments start with hitting the tee, sliding every five steps or running to the wrong base. But he is already learning to stay in his position, and where to throw the ball. It's a learning process and for now I will continue to giggle at him and his pure cuteness. 



Not only has this little guy started a new sport, he also recently went hunting for the first time. I believe that it is true that boys are natural to all things outdoors, as this little it waited so impatiently for his first moment. While it was deer hunting as he would've liked, he was able to dove hunt with his Papaw and Daddy. Is it quiet ridiculous that I could've cried at this first moment? Seriously, it's almost as great as the first time Charli Beth was on stage for a ballet performance. 


Charli Beth is still finishing up her fall softball league. This year has been quiet different and although she hasn't been able to have her shining moments in the past, she still truly loves the sport. I believe this season will help her decide which sport she would rather focus on greatly. 

Since volleyball quickly became a passion of our little, "Mighty Mouse" she has continued to love playing even between seasons. Even though it's been since high school that I participated in this fun sport, I am helping her coach out. I believe this has been pretty exciting to her. But how did I ever forget that fourth and fifth graders are oh so very chatty! 


Curtis is finishing up his second season of coaching middle school football. While I admire his want and passions for these children, I also selfishly miss him being around. To be a grand role model as a male figure and an officer in these children's lives is exceptional. Everyone of the coaches go above and beyond to help these young men become great athletes. Even if their year has yet to go as planned, I couldn't be more proud of the work they are doing in young lives. 


While my family is staying busy in activities. I've quickly taken up the role as driver, packer, cleaner, and multi-tasking extraordinarie. Just kidding on the last word... I'm failing miserably at this stuff but we make it work. There are days that I've come home and just wanted to hide with no one asking for anything. Or that I've even wanted to just fix dinner rather than grabbing something quick and late. Then I have to snap myself back into reality and remember that this is my job. It may be tiresome, but it's where I've been placed to be. These days will fly by, and at some point I'll have no one to drive to practice, or to fill with sugary snacks, so I better savor every cute little moment that I am able.



Story of Mommy

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I am a sinner saved by the grace of God. A wife to the 5oh, and Mother to Charli Beth and Bryar. This is my story of Motherhood, life experiences and sometimes even my overwhelming heart all typed out. I believe in second chances, yet the firm hand of parenting. That sweet tea is of the comfort food category. Chickens belong in every backyard. Children should each have a responsibility of their own while helping take care of duties in the home. Sports are a must for our family, and we spend many nights on courts or fields. We consistently feel new to each of the experiences that are brought into our lives. But we are always excited for the journey in which God has given us.

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--If you have any questions or just want to chat, feel free to email me! @ paigeleana@yahoo.com --

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