29 forever.

Each year I blow out my candles on Septemeber 11. All while our country mourns in remembrance of so many innocent lives that were lost. I, myself remember the day so vivedily and if you are of a certain age, I'm quiet sure you do as well. The day that America was attacked, was a day that changed lives forever. For a young teenage girl, it became the day that I was able to get a cell phone. In my silliness of immaturity, I thought it was because I was hip and cool. But in reality it was that my parents were scared, and wasn't sure what lied ahead for our nation. 

It's amazing to look back to 15 years ago, and what journey my life has taken me through. The times that I really wasn't sure I would make it to the next day. Then days that I aged into an adult all from seeing two pink lines on a white strip. There are still moments in time that I wonder how life has become something that I don't understand. But as I sat in church this morning, listening to the gospel as I most certainly need, I was reminded of how "God knows."

My heart may still be broken from the recent passing of the man I called Dad. And silent moments to myself are mainly filled with weeping, as the missing is more than I can bare to find joy within. But God knows. He knows the situation, and most certainly knows the purpose of our families journey - of my journey. 

While I didn't want to celebrate my birthday this year, because of the memories it held from my last. We have.  Even though it took a lot of prayers, and even tears, we survived our first cook out as a family without him there. Our first prayer without his voice praising God, while we all held hands, was filled with my own. It was gut wrenching. 

But we will make it. We will find the joy for God knows the purpose of this journey, and most of all he knows our hearts. 

We celebrated. We laughed. We hugged. We decorated, Held hands, told stories, blew out candles, opened gifts, and played games. 

It may not be the same but our joy came, and will continue to do so. For this, I am thankful that my journey is known by the the Creator of all and I can find joy within the breath of life - and the years of candles of I am capable of blowing out.