Random.

LOVE. you want it, but also at the sametime you hate it. It seems like everytime I start dealing with someone that could possibly be relationship material. I run...i suppose you can call me the Run away wanna be bride. haha. I dont know what the deal is. Maybe its from lack of trust with men anymore? Or maybe that I am just simply not ready to commit to something that can break my heart in the end? I hate the thought of Charli Beth getting attached to someone again, and then having to go back through the Mommy's friend isn't going to be around anymore. So many more think of this as me being a "bia," weak, or heck i dunno what people think. Honestly, I dont care. I know that in my heart and in my mind. I want someone in my life. I pick and choose and try to pick the little things out of people that will end up making them a bad person in my mind, just so that i have a reason to run. I also think that my Mother does this. (no offense mama) I hate that I do this. I can be on top of the world be so happy and crushing on someone like never before...and then BAM...maybe its reality trying to slap me in the face before I make stupid decisions in my life. Hmph. I just wonder if I will ever get to the point in my life where I can stop second guessing things and questioning everything that walks into my life. My mom and I have been into it quite a bit this past week over dating and who I date. Where they live, weather they have kids, what they can do for my life, and etc. She is right. (thats the last time I'll probably ever say that, haha!) But why can a girl just not date. I say all the time to her "it's nto like I dont have a life, besides work, charli and you guys. I am 21 and I never get out, so whats the big deal." I suppose the big deal would be getting Charli Beth attached to someone or getting someone elses kids attached to us. I dont like the fact of that at all. I would never in my life move away from my family. Esp. for a long time. I want many things in life, and I have many dreams. I will get those things and will live my dream. Maybe I ask for to much in life. Again, I sometimes wonder if I will ever someone as much as I did him and will let me heart be careless and fall not wondering if they will catch me?!?