Monday, September 13, 2010

Is it possible..

to break your own heart?
To love some one so much then things do not work out and you have no idea why?

My heart is broken, although I hide it well or at least I try to do so. I'm not sure where my life is going to take Charli Beth and I from here on out and I hate the feeling of not knowing, once again. I thought that I had it all figured it out, but once again God showed me that I am not in control, and neither is Mark. Whenever you love someone so much, you think that you can over come anything. In my case, this isn't always possible, people walk out of my life with out an explanation or let me know what it is that has actually ruined us for good. The talks that we have had about our future, the love and laughs everything was blown to smoke in one sentence.

I picked up mine and CB's items then had to pick her up from preschool and she just bawled because of the love that she had for him also. It's not my fault, not his either. But seriously should my daughter have to go through this? She knew that once again a person that she loved in her life is gone. She just sat her in car seat without me saying anything to her about why her toys were in my car saying "But I love him" and "he's my favorite" - that is just horrible. My daughter should NOT have to know those words at four years old.

This has been going on for a while and I am just now realizing the fact that Mark is actually going to be out of our lives. There is so much left to say at this time even two weeks after its actually happened but right now, I just cannot find the words.We still talk, we are still friends and I still love him but we are no longer together. But CB and I will make it, we always do.

"Maybe God wanted us to meet the wrong person before meeting the right one so that when we finally meet the right person, we will know how to be grateful for that gift. Maybe when the door of happiness closes, another opens, but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us. Maybe the best kind of friend is the kind you can sit on a porch and swing with, never say a word, and then walk away feeling like it was the best conversation you've ever had. Maybe it is true that we do not know what we have until we lose it, but it is also true that we do not know what we have been missing until it arrives. Giving someone all your love is never an assurance that they will love you back. Do not expect love in return; just wait for it to grow in their heart; but if it does not, be content it grew in yours . It takes only a minute to get a crush on someone, an hour to like someone, and a day to love someone, but it takes a lifetime to forget someone. Do not go for looks; they can deceive. Do not go for wealth; even that fades away. Go for someone who makes you smile because it takes only a smile to make a dark day seem bright. Find the one that makes your heart smile. There are moments in life when you miss someone so much that you just want to pick them from your dreams and hug them for real. Dream what you want to dream; go where you want to go; be what you want to be, because you have only one life and one chance to do all the things you want to do. May you have enough happiness to make you sweet enough, trials to make you strong, enough sorrow to keep you human, enough hope to make you happy. Always put yourself in others shoes. If you feel that it hurts you, it probably hurts them too. The happiest of people do not necessarily have the best of everything, they just make the most of everything that comes along their way. Happiness lies for those who cry, those who hurt, those who have searched and those who have tried, for only they can appreciate the importance of people who have touched their lives. The brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past; you cannot go on well in life until you let go of your past failures and the heartaches" ~unknown.


the single mama said...

Huge hugs and love to you <3

Danielle said...

I'm so sorry to hear this. You sound very positive though and know that this did happen for a reason. It's hard to think that way now but hopefully soon you'll see it. Hugs for you and CB!

heather g said...

I'm sorry to hear that.You 2 seemed to make a good couple.even though it sucks and everything you're right u and Charli will make it.I'm here for ya.

Lexie Loo & Dylan Too said...

I'm so sorry. Sending you lots of love, prayers, and positive thoughts!

J and A said...

Ah hun, I'm so sorry. Stay strong you are an amazing Mom and woman.

Elizabeth said...

you are so strong, girl! i know He has such great plans for you. CB is so lucky to have you as a momma!


im sorry...i really am...nothing more painful than heartache... i said a prayer for you and charli...i know you will both be fine...

rest in peace in knowing that there is some ONE who will never leave nor forsake you nor charli...

blessing and hugs

Becca said...

Well, that just breaks my heart! I hate it for you and CB. It's very obvious that she cared so much about him. I will say a little prayer for you two tonight!

Elizabeth said...

This breaks my heart. It's funny how even though I have just started reading your blog, it's like you truly feel like you start knowing the person through just reading. I pray for this situation, and that yours and your daughter's hearts heals. I try to always remember "God is in Control" of everything...Keep strong, and no matter what, look to Him!

Story of Mommy

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I am a sinner saved by the grace of God. A wife to the 5oh, and Mother to Charli Beth and Bryar. This is my story of Motherhood, life experiences and sometimes even my overwhelming heart all typed out. I believe in second chances, yet the firm hand of parenting. That sweet tea is of the comfort food category. Chickens belong in every backyard. Children should each have a responsibility of their own while helping take care of duties in the home. Sports are a must for our family, and we spend many nights on courts or fields. We consistently feel new to each of the experiences that are brought into our lives. But we are always excited for the journey in which God has given us.

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