Thursday, January 31, 2013

Tomorrow



Tomorrow I will be staying away from Bryar for the first time. Yes, I am a second time Mommy. But there is five years between my two and my situation is different this time. When I was single living at home with my parents I was working second and third shift every week. It was two thirds and three seconds. It was rough and incredibly not worth it. But it was what I had to do for Charli and I. So we had to spend lots of time away from one another at an early age.

Praise little baby Jesus that my situation is different this time. Although, the fact that I have been able to stay with Bryar every single day for the last 15 1/2 months (besides my time at work) means that I have one little boy who loves me so much that he screams when I walk out of the room. Yes, he is that annoying baby that cries a lot in the nursery. But he isn't the only one that as separation anxiety. His Mommy does too.

It is quite ridiculous. I am used to Charli Beth leaving and staying with grandparents on the weekends. She is a girl on the go. Practically grown up sadly, even at the early age of six. But Bryar needs me. His middle of the night hawk screams are only calmed by this lady right here and I am proud of that. I practically dance in the glory that his love for me is overwhelming at times.

What I am scared of is that on my trip he will no longer "need" me. He will not just want me to rock him and sing rock-a-bye baby, or to rock him to sleep when nothing else works. Everyone is growing up and looking to other things for comfort but him and I want to make his love last long possible. It really is the most controlling and ridiculous thing I have ever thought.

I know that my mil will probably be laughing at me when we walk in the door with all of my notes and schedules (even though we basically do not have a great schedule.) But on the other side of me I am ecstatic about having a weekend with my husband and friends. We need this and maybe so does the baby. I am crossing my fingers and toes that they will have a great weekend, will be able to rest and that my littlest love will still love me when I return.

Now If I can only make myself get into that car tomorrow morning without crying....

2 comments:

HickChickBritt said...

Wow! He hasn't been away from you at all? I went back to work when Hayes was 2 1/2 months old and he has been with my parents when I work, or they will take him for an occasional weekend. Luckily he has never had any separation problems. At the same time I wish that he wanted me a little more. I don't know how he would be with someone outside our family though. Or even with Chris's parents. He has always seemed really outgoing and care free but maybe he would get stranger danger, I don't know. Good luck and I am super jealous that you and hubby are getting away for the weekend with friends!

Lexie Loo, Lily Boo, and Dylan Too! said...

I hope you had a great trip!

Story of Mommy

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I am a sinner saved by the grace of God. A wife to the 5oh, and Mother to Charli Beth and Bryar. This is my story of Motherhood, life experiences and sometimes even my overwhelming heart all typed out. I believe in second chances, yet the firm hand of parenting. That sweet tea is of the comfort food category. Chickens belong in every backyard. Children should each have a responsibility of their own while helping take care of duties in the home. Sports are a must for our family, and we spend many nights on courts or fields. We consistently feel new to each of the experiences that are brought into our lives. But we are always excited for the journey in which God has given us.

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