Our Christmas Project

Christmas is a time of joy, family gatherings and memory making. But for families that have lost a significant member of their family, it holds emotions of all different sorts. I'm certain that those feeling never really change, and things just become a little more ordinary with a new way of life over the years. But this year I was rushed by my own faults and started shopping late. Then I would end up tearing up in aisles and have to walk out. "oh, there's a plaid shirt marcel would love..." Then my heart was done. 

But something that helped me throughout this Christmas season was a project that I had been longing to do. 

Pinterest is such a wonderful thing for ideas for crafty creative souls, like mine longs to be. But when I found this item months ago, I just knew it had to be accomplished. 

Thankfully, my Dad was a hoarder of clothing a items - much like my own husband. So, my Mom picked the perfect shirts and purchased pillow inserts for all the women, best friend and grandchildren of our family.{Her ability to carry own, and find happiness in making others happy continues to amaze me.}

My wonderful Mother in law never hesitated in helping me with this project, even with a cold and house guests of her own. We spent an afternoon cutting, measuring, pinning and sewing together nine fantastic pillows made from Marcel's shirts. 

The first product made me cry tears of more emotions than this sentence can hold. It brought me pure joy to know that these items would posses great meaning to all who received one. 

This project made my Christmas joyful and meaningful. From the fireball wrapper tucked away in a pocket to the grease spot near his belly each shirt held a perfect meaning. A meaning of a great man, the great legend of marcel. Shinning chrome surrounded trucks, to carrying in his bible each Sunday to church. We will forever miss this family staple of a man, but I hope we can always find the joy in all he left behind for us. 

A Day Like Today.

"And the memory of a day like today
Could get you through the rest of your life..."

In the middle of parenthood, life can throw some pretty sour lemons at marriages. You can look over at the love of your life, and your heart can skip a beat all while you're wanting to chop his feisty little neck. It's just the reality of it. We spend our lives trying to appease too many lives. All while we sometimes forget the ones standing in front of us. 

My husband and I are excruciatingly bad at this. 

Words cannot even describe how bad. He likes his work, and he loves to do manly man things. I love my work, and I also overly love my kids most moments, days, weeks, years... Too much. 

I'm simply a jerk to him a lot because I'm overly jealous of his ability to do things that Mothers simply can't. It's wrong, I know. But it's also human nature. 

If you're here looking for advice on how to change the jerk face you are to your spouse, look on friends. I haven't quite mastered that skills yet. 

But today was a good day. On Thursday Curtis asked me if I would come over to his "deer camp" to eat breakfast and hunt with him. Even though I love hunting {and food} I made many excuses of why I couldn't. They ranged from being sleepy, to finding overnight care for our little loves. Finally I let buck fever catch up with me, took one for the team and purchased my license so I had to go. 

And God am I thankful I did. 

Did I shoot the buck I've been waiting six years for? No. Did we ever see a whitetail? No. But I sat next to my husband for hours upon hours just soaking it up. Creepily watching one another catch a few snoozes. We silently laughed. And as "cupcaking" as it sounds I even caught myself admiring him for the qualities I often forget about him. 

Our day wasn't glorious by any means. It was actually a very cold, windy, boring, belly growling, crossing legs because you have to pee so bad but cannot type of day. But I needed this day with him. 

So, as wives and mothers let's stop making those excuses and just give it a try. I can promise you at the end of the day, when you already know it's been a good day then a sappy love song comes on the radio and it makes you smile... It will be totally worth it. So, make the memories, live a little and enjoy your spouse for all of the, "today's."

This is Halloween, Halloween...

Halloween is probably my absolute favorite. I love the day. I love the tricks, but I love the treats even more so. Each year Charli typically picks a theme and then we incorporate Bryar's costume by asking him what he would like to be. This year was no different and it was super fun. My children never seem to fail me in the fun and cute zone, which I'm overly thankful for because me... I could probably ruin it all with non-crafty, bad mood, rushing on time frames, and busy madness. Hashtag mom life. 

This year Charli picked circus theme. Which fits us very well. 

First she wanted to be a ringmaster, and Bryar to be the loin. Which would've worked perfectly because our little guy has one very fercious roar that he's been working on for quiet sometime. But I mentioned being a mime, and then ten year old took over. 

And of course Bryar would be nothing other than a Strongman. 

I mean look at those muscle and mustache. 

Charli took her role of mine very firmly and wouldn't speak. Blessing to my ears for those minutes of peace. But she used a sign to say trick of treat, along with the back saying, "Thank you" Everyone loved her costume and the sign even more so. 

For me, I was just my regular old Pig self turning into a pig in a blanket with my sweet coworker. 

The quickest and easiest costume ever. 

I had no idea Halloween morning that my precious friend in the above photo with me had nominated me to win an award through our school system. Typically we are not able to attend morning meeting with our school since we have preschoolers arriving at this time. But Christina told me that we were participating in the costume contest for teachers and we headed down. While down there I was surprised to see that it was not a contest but I had actually won the Golden Apple award. It was very sweet and more than precious of her to nominate me for this. But I'm sure she was able to get a good laugh that I was dressed as a pig taking pictures with the principal and superintendent. 

Some people are not a fan of Halloween. But the joy that it brings to children and adults alike is just precious to me. We had fun and just like that the "thriller" was gone, now Christmas items are popping up all over the stores... While I'm screaming to respect the turkey ;) 

Camp Bryar - Bryar Turns 5!

There are always a couple of things that I take in consideration as I begin planning a party for my littlest of loves. What is their favorite thing in the world right now, besides Mommy of course. How cheaply can I make this theme happen. Also how quickly their years pass by. 

I never realized how quickly years and days pass, until I became a Mother of two. I am uncertain if this was due to Charli Beth starting school, or just having a second child that keeps me busy. Either way, I love celebrating them but most of all I love loving them. 

When I told Bryar that it was time to prepare a party for his big number five, he immediately said "I want to deer hunt." So of course after a lot of dwelling on how hard this party could be to plan, I started planning. 

The shotgun shells were purchased in a box from etsy. 200 of those awesome bad boys for a few dollars. As you scroll through, you can see that they were food card holders, garland and fillers in empty spots. Hallelujah that was easy...

We decided to change the venue up this year and set up at our church pavallion. Even though it was away from our house, we were blessed to have tables already awaiting on us. Except for the main food table, which also happens to be made from an old store door in Allen County and is also my sewing table. This door was been super loved through the years. 

The deer sausage was more of a hit than I guess it to be since I'm not a summer sausage fan. But by the end of the party it was gone. Nice to know that my husbands hunting weekends were made use of. 

The antlers were a combination of mine and Mother in law's. These were all from bucks their family has killed over the years. I'm more than certain that my cute little guy, will be adding his own to the collection before long. 

The food was an easy choice as it was hot, windy and hardly any prep needed. Curtis took over the grilling and sixteen  people are 32 hot dogs. Dude can grill a killer dog apparently...

Did you notice that cake above? 

Amazing, huh?

My talented Mother in law made it from scratch. I cannot even describe the blessing that she and my Mother are. My parties and mostly my life would be insane without their grace. 

"Take a scoop of each to create the perfect deer stand snack."

This is what you call party favors made easy.

But also cute.

The logs were left over from a wedding and once again we used the filler shotgun shells. The greenery inside is from the yard. Cheap, cute and perfect! 

I painted this sign the night before because I loved one that I found on Pinterest. It looked to be commercial printed and I was trying for a cheap, creative photo area. It wasn't perfect. But it worked and made cute pictures.

See? Tytus even made the sign adorable! 

Oh, this boy... How I could eat him and his "senior poses" up! Why does he have to be so adorable, just to grow up SO fast? 

I also sketched this big angry buck out the night before the party. I was trying to be funny (which of course never works) since everyone always says "we always just pin the tail on the donkey" when we were kids. Well folks, here's pin the target on the buck. 

The younger kids actually loved seeing where they placed their target. But were able to catch some major laughs at watching me almost fall down after spinning. 

The kids who wanted to were able to shoot BB guns at targets. 

Bryar checking out his bullseye.

 

Watch out outdoors channel Bryar is coming for you... 

We brought these two targets from home. The one in the top photo was a Christmas gift from Nana and Pa last year. He loves shooting each animal before he climbs into bed at night. 

The buck below was given to him on his actually birthday. How cool is he? 

Inflatable deer that actually stands up. Big props to Amazon for him. 

Yes, an army Swiss knife and a new bow! This kid is all ready for deer camp! 

{All children are safe and the knife is tucked away, until he needs the toothpick of course!} 

That cake! I was just simply impressed. White on top, chocolate on the bottom. Everyone is happy, but most of all Bryar to have one amazing cake. 

The Garland on the food table was made cheaply by me. I purchased this card stock banner at Walmart for $4, and stencils for $2. I thankfully already had the paint and brushes in a stash at home.  Cheap and made by Mom = not so perfect but perfect for us. 

My most proud moment was making this simple appliqué on a blanket to give to Bryar and a shirt. I saved myself over $12 by sucking up my major insecurities and trying my machine once again. After some high blood pressure and through the roof anxiety (yes, I'm exaggerating) it was complete. 

This party was super fun for Bryar and even more easy for me. I'm thankful that I have a family that loves to party. But most of all kids that I can celebrate in years to come. I cannot wait to see how much Bryar grows throughout this year. Gulp.. The year of kindergarten or maybe even his first deer hunt! 

Stop laughing. Start focusing.

I'm really not into Facebook rants or wars these days. I'm more into long nights snuggled up to my squishy newly five year old, and helping my southern belle of a ten year old pick out clothes for the upcoming week. But while watching the famous debate tonight, just after the time searching for perfect attire for the fifth grader in my life, I thought I would read Facebook during a break. 

What a clever little way to unwind and get a feel of cute families ending their fall break. 

Wrong.

Tonight until the Novemeber election our feeds and social media outlets have become wars of opinions. Opinions that we all have, and are all different from one person to the next. But that's the wonderful way that God created us to be. Different. Full of opinions and oppositions. But he also created us to hold respect, and love for our neighbors. 

Stop judging me, and the millions of times I've not been ever so loving and just read this sinners thoughts...

Today is the day. The day to STOP saying how much we cannot stand each candidate. Or how we wish we could have a do over. We did this. Our parties picked these two, no matter how big of clowns they each are. These are the two major party American candidates. 

We can no longer stand on the side lines watching the train wreck. Standing back, laughing at the damage, and awaiting your next Facebook famous status. That is the issue among all issues - social media. We've let it become our voice, rather than listening to our own inner voices. We've become derived from thoughts that we had because of falsified characters of a comment from another. 

To feel secure and safe with your decision, stop watching the train wreck moments. It isn't funny. It's sickening and part of the problem. Do your research, pick your topics, write them down if you need to, and be ready to listen to what the answer to your passion questions may be.

I know mine. Do you? 

While you all were laughing tonight. I found some of my answers. Answers that were in the midst of the train wreck moments. But I listened and surprise they were actually there. I figured out the ending to the scenarios that I was hoping to clear. I hope you did the same.

Last Novemeber, I was able to work an election booth but did not partake in the ballot myself. An elderly man was disturbed when I told him this and wanted to know my reasonings. I told him that I had not researched enough on the candidates and did not feel comfortable in making a solid casting vote. We agreed that my choice was correct and he then informed me that this should be the only reason to not cast a vote. I still agree with this choice that I made and plan to always do my research to make my vote. It doesn't matter if you live in a large delegate state or not, every vote matters and so does every voice. Even if it's different than my own. 

Stop laughing. Start focusing. We need change in our beloved America. Wether it be left sided or right sided. In some way or form, you must pick one on the Election Day to clear your heart and mind to spend the next four years until the next tormenting ballot say arrives. 

Until then... I'll leave you with this.

Love What You Do.

 Our parents smoked, cursed, attended church, watched tv, birthdays with cake and a piñata, they gave us kool-aid and we all survived. I learned how to swim by my dear Mother tossing me in and saying, "sink or swim child" after many times of refusal. I'm sure you all can guess how that experience worked out for my 29 year old breathing self. We were spanked, and given a hard time when we stepped out of line. We didn't have someone giving us a medal or trophy to work hard. As we were told that it was a way of life, and you either sink or swim. We learned to cope and we survived. But, sometimes a few things change in the world and that shouldn't always be considered a bad thing. We grow to love a few different things. Then we earn stripes of parenthood through the accomplishments we survive through.

Lately, as I'm planning yet another birthday party for my son, I am consistently being told that " parties were much simpler when you were a kid."

Yes, so was adding on sunscreen to a child. It didn't have to be organic, non-chemical, non-spray. It just had to say sunscreen, and BAM it was on. You didn't have to purchase bug spray in the same aspect. Or organic foods.

You see some of us may love purchasing the most healthy vegetables known to the whole foods market. Some of us may love attending every sport our children play, running marathons, taking selfies or serving on the PTO for ten years straight.

To an actual surprise some of us may just actually just love throwing parties. They don't have to be pinterest worthy of an event. It just has to be worthy of what you love to do. This has nothing to do with a failed birthday as a kid or the way I made a success of being tossed into an above ground pool. But it has all to do with a passion and what my family has always loved to do. From the Halloween parties as children with the amazing haunted houses and smell of "chainsaw" smoke fills our memories every Halloween. To the flashlight tag we played as we all camped out in our backyard for a huge sleepover birthday celebration.

Our passions may differ from travel, bjsports to chalk board designs above buffet bars. It doesn't make either of us trying harder, or failing - and boy how I could scream when someone tells me they are failing at parenthood due to an attempt. You put love into whatever you do for your children, and that is by far more of a success than my frantatic mornings of trying to make sure flowers match a table runner, or last minute trips to dollar general to make sure I have enough lemonade.

We choose what we love.

Mine for sure isn't waking early on Saturday morning to run a 5k. Or traveling each weekend to watch my child play a sport.

But it is planning, organizing, staying up too late to finishing super gluing a last minute craft, or sewing a table runner in twenty minutes. I may love to be stressed about not having enough items, or the correct table cloths. So if you want to stay up late applique a last minute birthday shirt. Do it. If you want to sit under a tent in the pouring rain while your son is playing football. Do it. If you want to plan every event for your child's school while on the PTO, do it. If we want to only go out to eat and celebrate your littles birthdays with movie and pizza. Do it! Or chase pokemon around your city limit... please, by all means do it.

I'll never regret celebrating the life of my loved ones in the way that I choose to do so. Most of all, you shouldn't regret loving what you do either.

It's more than just a shirt...

As you look upon my oversized shirt today, you may wonder why I picked it. Could it be from the spirit week, we are enjoying at school? Or the fact that I love anything that screams comfort out to my Mama weight that's lingering in all places of my body. In all reality, it's all of these things plus a day that I am able to feel closer connected. Yes, by wearing an oversized shirt. 

But this isnt just a shirt that I'm wearing. It's stitches of memories sewn together. This isn't just something oversized and tropical. It's a shirt that gave me too many laughs to count from. Because it's  a shirt that my Mom couldn't stand, but my Dad loved to wear. It may have been it's comfort that he loved, but it could've also been the picking mechanism that he loved to hand out to her. 

It's a reminder of laughter, joy and most of all love. It's more than just a shirt. But buttons of dignity, that you can never loose a battle to cancer when you have Hope in Christ. But only to win and rejoice within glorious beams of heaven. 

It's more than just a shirt. But a reminder of too many puffs of cologne, or lazy days upon the beach. It's more than just a shirt. It's a reminder of his strong body, that was the Pa whom could fix all. 

It may be just an oversized, tacky tropical shirt to you but it's one that brings joy to a broken heart. You may give me funny looks when I come face to face with you today. But know that I'm not just wearing something found in an old box. It may be a keepsake forever tucked away after today, but each time I see it I'll smile and remember the joy within his laughter.  

My blog won't always be filled with emotions of grief. But if you've ever lost a loved one, or someone you're so closely connected to, you'll understand. I don't just write to be heard, but to let my memories flow and rejoice in all that we've triumphed as a family. Sorrow and grief are tricky, funny, roller coasters of emotions. Sometimes we just need to feel sad, and others we just have to do something to make us smile. Today I'm going to enjoy wearing this shirt that I've had on my mind for tropical day, just to smile and even to tell his story some more. It may mean nothing to you, but to me it means everything. 

29 forever.

Each year I blow out my candles on Septemeber 11. All while our country mourns in remembrance of so many innocent lives that were lost. I, myself remember the day so vivedily and if you are of a certain age, I'm quiet sure you do as well. The day that America was attacked, was a day that changed lives forever. For a young teenage girl, it became the day that I was able to get a cell phone. In my silliness of immaturity, I thought it was because I was hip and cool. But in reality it was that my parents were scared, and wasn't sure what lied ahead for our nation. 

It's amazing to look back to 15 years ago, and what journey my life has taken me through. The times that I really wasn't sure I would make it to the next day. Then days that I aged into an adult all from seeing two pink lines on a white strip. There are still moments in time that I wonder how life has become something that I don't understand. But as I sat in church this morning, listening to the gospel as I most certainly need, I was reminded of how "God knows."

My heart may still be broken from the recent passing of the man I called Dad. And silent moments to myself are mainly filled with weeping, as the missing is more than I can bare to find joy within. But God knows. He knows the situation, and most certainly knows the purpose of our families journey - of my journey. 

While I didn't want to celebrate my birthday this year, because of the memories it held from my last. We have.  Even though it took a lot of prayers, and even tears, we survived our first cook out as a family without him there. Our first prayer without his voice praising God, while we all held hands, was filled with my own. It was gut wrenching. 

But we will make it. We will find the joy for God knows the purpose of this journey, and most of all he knows our hearts. 

We celebrated. We laughed. We hugged. We decorated, Held hands, told stories, blew out candles, opened gifts, and played games. 

It may not be the same but our joy came, and will continue to do so. For this, I am thankful that my journey is known by the the Creator of all and I can find joy within the breath of life - and the years of candles of I am capable of blowing out.