Saturday, May 16, 2009

thoughts....LOTS of them too

It's 3:40 a.m. on a Saturday morning and I've just finished watching Grey's Anatomy and I just don't believe I ever want to watch that show again because it will make me cry for sure. Yea, I know most of you are thinking, you've never cried at this show before. Ah, well I can't say the tears didn't start to form. But I don't cry. I'm not a girl to cry. I just don't do it. But darn that Izzie Stephens and George O'Malley...heart breakers is all they are.

--We spend our lives worrying about the future, planning for the future, trying to predict the future as if figuring it out will somehow cushion the blow. But the future is always changing, the future is the home of our deepest fears and our wildest hopes. One thing is certain, when it finally reveals itself the future is never the way we imagined it.-- Meredith; narrator at the end of part 1

Sometimes I feel that I look at my "closed door" for so long that I will never see it open. I will miss my chance. I've thought about this a lot today because of things that have been going on this week. Just like in the quote that I left on here for a friend before it says "Maybe when the door of happiness closes, another opens, but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us" I don't want to miss my chance, my opportunity, and I am scared to death that I am going too. I'm not exactly sure what I am referring to besides that I need to relax whenever someone is in my life and stop being all tense. I wish that I could stop this, I wish that I wasn't cold, complicated, and I wish I could just let you care. But I feel so unable to let you do this. Maybe it is because I have never felt the emotions of love except with him and he has broken me. And I am scared of facing that once again. I just need to chill and stop thinking so darn much, huh?...
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Have I told you lately that I hate drugs and addictions? If you have ever known anyone to be on drugs, you must hate them too. There is no way around it, you are either a drug user or you must hate them. No matter which, drugs effect your life in some form or fashion. I hate the way families that are effected by drugs and addictions seem to fall apart after so long even whenever they do not realize it. But then again they stay together and fight for all that they can do to keep "the user" from falling apart or killing themselves. It's an amazing love that Mother's must have to love their children unconditionally after they fall into the "fast life" and never return from that state. I can't say what I would ever do, and it makes me want to fall apart right now thinking "what if she ever does this"or "does that," and she is 3 years old! Three years old! This is already to late on starting to teach children about drugs and the way that they can and will take the life that you know, love and cherish away if you mess with them. They have broken me. Not exactly right now. But I am broken to see these families that are hurt. I wish that you all could of seen these teenage high school girls, that should of been at school the other day, but stayed home getting high, drunk and taking pills. I have never in my life seen anything like this. It was heartbreaking...and yes annoying as all get out. It all starts with how they are raised, what they are taught whenever they are little. So PLEASE take your children to church, teach them that smoking(even cigarettes) will kill you, teach them their numbers, shapes, letters because education will keep them away from horrible things. You see this everyday whenever you work at a police department, a child that has a parent that doesn't have the "time" to explain to them that Jesus, education and good morals are the way to go, are the ones that fall the quickest. I'm not at liberty to say that children that are raised (so called) perfectly will never "fall" because we all do at some point. We just need to know when it's time and how to pick ourselves right back up.
I've posted this before but I think that it goes very well and some of you may not have seen this before.
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I won't go back into this but 500 a day start using! 500. I can't imagine. This is one of the main reasons that I want to become a officer, if you haven't been able to figure that out yet. There are so many people in this world that no matter what rehab, family, love, nothing will help their drug problem except being somewhere that they cannot get to it. I pray for these people...I pray that the Lord gives me strength to always pray for the cure to their addictions.

Heres a little joke to lighten the spirits after my "sermon" ...this would be your kids if they are to ever get hooked on drugs.
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hahahaha kidding..

EMT skills testing is in exactly one week. I will not be a failure and I'm so ready but nervous at the same time. The next week is going to be full of study groups and skills practice so I am very sure that I will not be posting a lot but I'm very sure this post will cover enough for a month! haha.

I've been out to the Habeggers the past two days, which is our largest Amish produce market in our county. Boy o' Boy let me tell you...I wish that I had the motivation and energy that they have in just one day. They are amazing people and so very sweet. I bought strawberries, tomatoes, sweet pickles, choc. chip cookies, and fried pies. The strawberries and tomatoes aren't as rip as they should be due to all of the rain we have had. But they are still amazing. Now the fried pies are a topic in their selves. You should know that anything that states clearly on the package "deep fried in lard" has to be amazing ... haha what a great mental picture right? I'm sure they should say "heart attack waiting to happen" somewhere on the label also. But they are to die for. Seriously. It's Heaven on Earth. I wish I could mail you all some and they get to you all perfect or else I would...if you live in Kentucky email me at Paigeleana@yahoo.com and I will be sure to send a few your way! I may even add in a few of their cookies, or banana nut bread! yum!

I promise, my next post will be all cheerful news...pinky promise! lol. Have a great Saturday! Loves & hugs.

4 comments:

The Adventurous Girl's said...

Your posts don't always have to be cheerful! Your posts are from the heart. I agree, it is never to young to teach your children about drugs, drinking, and smoking. We at our home talk about what it does, how to say no, and one time can kill you. My daughters are both still in grade school. I remember once when I was stopping at work to pick something up. I had to go in the back door, and they were having a smoke break out back at the time. My littlest one told this one guy,"Hey you are going to die!" He was asking me,"What do I tell my girls?" I said,"I tell them,Smoking kills!" He was blown away. My Ms Daizi was only three at the time. They asked me once when they saw someone smoking what it does to them. I explained what it was and what it did in the end. I know some people might not agree with telling your kids things like that, but it still has stuck with them. They prayed and talked to their dad for along long time, about stopping smoking he did one year ago along with their stepmom.
I have to say about the door closing. My dad always told me to pray that God opens the door so wide that you fall right through it or close it so tight that you can't even open it. I will pray with you about the doors in your life! I know this is a long comment, and I don't know you, but that is why I love the blog world. You find some great blogs on here that just inspire you. Yours is one of them. Thank you for your post today it needs to be said about drugs and ect. Also remember you dont always have to be the one to cheer everyone up with your blog, because you inspire people with your open heart I can see from your posts and comments..
your blog friend ,
Rachel

Nichele Lynn said...

"Maybe it is because I have never felt the emotions of love except with him and he has broken me."..This single line killed me. I broke into tears. I HATE that this is a reality for the both of us. And I HATE that someone else feels this pain. I pray for you everytime you, or CB pop into my head. I cant imagine the love you and I will feel once we meet "The One". Becasue surely, Its got to be WAY more than this!! God doesn't allow things to happen to harm us, to punish us. He hates that we hurt, but I am sure this is going to be for the good. (At least thats what I have to tell myself...) Love ya, Girl! Hang in there.

LA said...

I love reading your stuff Paige. When i'm late at night i always get online cause i'm pretty sure you are here, or you have been! =) Dont forget i listen to ya on the scanner, so yeah i'm kind of a stalker! Just Kidding people. Your blog was so true. I PERSONALLY do not know anyone on drugs but i know girls that i have that their lives have been turned upside down because of drugs or alcohol. Breaks my heart to see sweet children living like that. My parents have smoked cigarettes since i can remember. They never smoked in the house but they did in the car and to this day i cant stand that smell. It's nasty & horrible for your teeth!
On another note thank you for my comment on my project post. I really enjoyed doing the project. While is was more complicated and detailed than i posted in my blog i loved looking at old pictures and writing what they meant to me. Sarah was gorgeous at her wedding. The funny thing is that picture isnt even at her wedding, they just put their outfits back on so guest at their reception we had for them back home could see. They got married in Vegas! =) I'll have to find some more pics and post them! It amazes me sometimes how much i love Isaac too. (I dont mean that in a bad way) but i always struggled ever falling for anyone. Like you said in a post, you are afraid of missing the opened door for you. I was the same way but for some reason Isaac just kind of fell in my lap. He's an amazing person & if we dont continue our life together that boy has taught me so many lessons about life that i will always remember! You'll find that perfect guy one day (if they really do exsist) you are just being picky because of Charli Beth. Which i think is wonderful girl! =) Anyways, i'm rambling now, take care of #40 for us!

Love ya! =)

*Lindsey

LA said...

Man half of my comment didnt make sense! SORRY! haha i need spell check & grammer check! =)

Story of Mommy

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I am a sinner saved by the grace of God. A wife to the 5oh, and Mother to Charli Beth and Bryar. This is my story of Motherhood, life experiences and sometimes even my overwhelming heart all typed out. I believe in second chances, yet the firm hand of parenting. That sweet tea is of the comfort food category. Chickens belong in every backyard. Children should each have a responsibility of their own while helping take care of duties in the home. Sports are a must for our family, and we spend many nights on courts or fields. We consistently feel new to each of the experiences that are brought into our lives. But we are always excited for the journey in which God has given us.

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--If you have any questions or just want to chat, feel free to email me! @ paigeleana@yahoo.com --

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