Wednesday, October 15, 2014

A Beautiful Mess of A Marriage.

Marriage talk is always something that bloggers are so sparse to talk in. But it is a discussion that has been on my heart for quiet sometime now. Every situation is different and every love story has it's on fairy tale to work through. Some of us complicate our tales by our own sins or life lessons that we have learned along the way. The others of us were just giving a path that we may have been so very clueless on, yet we thought we knew it all. 

When I was in high school I would {jokingly} mention how the cute guys would one day be my husband. Typically, they were the handsome country boys that I just happened to feel I could mold into whatever I wanted. Wouldn't that be the day?! I would casually say, "I'll marry that boy someday.." and my best friend would always ask just how many husbands do you plan to have? Well, one to be exact I would reply with the intentions of it being the biggest dream come true of a fairy tale, ever. 

Then I made some choices and later on I saw two pink lines. My life was forever changed. My world of fairy tale dreams came to a cease as I started preparing for a little girl who I was clueless on how to raise, especially as a single Mother. Gasp... There it goes, the easy marriage and thought of the well rounded family stopped. As time went by and my darling Charli Beth arrived I became okay with that. Although, in being "okay" I became bitter, cold and just so out of touch with finding the person who I was to spend my life with. I surrounded my personal life with the love from Charli and sank into it deep. I dated from time to time and even at my own expense of wasting a few years. I picked some good guys, some bad ones, some lairs and even my all time least favorite of a cheater. It was quiet the experience. But experience is what you need when you are searching for the love, of a life time. 

Then long and behold after 4 years 8 months of loving Charli souly, I met Curtis. It was fun, charming, head over heels, reach for the stars kind of puppy love. Within two weeks he told me he loved me... (whoa) a few months later, we were engaged. I also found out that he purchased my engagement ring the month we started dating. (Whoa,again) Not what I expected but we managed to choose his role for our lives. Within 6 months of dating, we were married. 

This is where the good, the bad and the even uglier comes out. 

Our honeymoon was the spitting image of perfection and we lived wonderfully for a week soaking up the days of just us. (Oh,don't forget the sweet baby boy kicking around) By the time we arrived home, we were both very ready to start our new life together. 

Then the bricks hit.

Me parenting with someone else? What? I had to consultant with another person on the decisions I made for Charli?! It was hard to say the least. It was hard for me to realize that I couldn't be as dependent as I once was. (This is still incredibly hard for me most days.) Curtis becoming a full time Father over night, I'm sure was not the easiet thing. Our first two weeks at home in our newlywed bliss actually turned into a lot of fighting, a lot of tears and then eventually some amazing "marriage moments." 

We truly laugh about how we never fought before marriage then once the rings were on, our gloves came off

It was a difficult transition and one that I've grown in over the years. It's changed the women that I am, the Mother and the Wife. I would hope to think for the better. But I can almost gaurnatee that my Husband may not agree some days. 

I once heard in a sermon that the person we fall in love with is not the person we are truly marrying. To make a marriage work, we must be happy with this. We must be willing to change with the times, and to know that this person is still the person you truly love. Even if they chew with their mouth open, or pick at their nails while you're watching a movie. Because in reality you may snap an attitude at them as quick as a red light can turn green. You may yell at them for working too much. Or even for working too much. It happens. We all become stuck within our ways and sometimes forget that we are impacting the lives of others, not just our own.

Even after nearly five years of marriage, we went to sleep last night angry at one another. Some folks and even pastors will plead at you to not do this. But for us, our tempers and the marriage we behold, it's best for us to just roll over and go to sleep. Marriage is ugly. We fight, we're mad and can even hold grudges at one another than at our enemies. But without the ugly, there wouldn't be those beautiful moments of marriage where we cannot stop laughing. Or the moments when we find a new reason to love our spouse. When you look over in the car and instantly think, "I really am blessed." 

Marriage is a complete beautiful mess, that each couple must make of its own. 

It's simply amazing how much each of us change throughout our journey of adulthood. Although, I am still certain even after these few short years, a million fights, even more laughs, and love that I picked the right person for our lives. No matter how hard our journey is, even after these years, he still has all of my heart. 

Thank you for loving me even when I'm the hardest to love. When it comes to loving a woman, it cannot be easy. Especially when it comes to someone whose emotions can turn a 360 in a matter of minutes. Thank you for bringing the laughs, the solid hand of parenting and karaoke moments to our family. Even though we call you the grump ole' troll, we're always a loss when you're away. It makes my heart cringe at seeing you work so much for our family. But even though it angers me on days that I'm so tired I can barely think straight, I know it's out of love. Your sense of providing for us, is more than admireable. The way you love may be confusing at times, but our friendship and talks brings me back to the reality that you really are a simple man out of uniform. I cannot image how hard it is to turn the switch from law enforcer to family man. Which is more than likely why I fuss about it from time to time. We cannot understand this, unless we walk to beat in your shoes. I will try my best to never act as if I do understand, as long as I have your love. Thank you for picking Charli Beth and I do many years ago. The difficulties, challenges, and moments that we have faced I hope will continue to bring out those amazing, "marriage moments."
I am thankful for you today, and everyday. 

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Story of Mommy

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I am a sinner saved by the grace of God. A wife to the 5oh, and Mother to Charli Beth and Bryar. This is my story of Motherhood, life experiences and sometimes even my overwhelming heart all typed out. I believe in second chances, yet the firm hand of parenting. That sweet tea is of the comfort food category. Chickens belong in every backyard. Children should each have a responsibility of their own while helping take care of duties in the home. Sports are a must for our family, and we spend many nights on courts or fields. We consistently feel new to each of the experiences that are brought into our lives. But we are always excited for the journey in which God has given us.

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