This year I've decided to pick one word to carry me through. I've never really thought about turning to a word in trials and tribulations until I read this from a blogger friend. Looking back while I was single I always turned to the word believe. To believe that I could carry on. Or to believe in the good of the world. I never really realized that it had become a word for that stage of life until later on.
This year my word is...
Gasp. Even through its 6 letters the word is so strong. To some it's bad, to some it's only through faith. But to me as a woman, it means through everything in life. Of course, I want to first submit to the Lord and second...
To my Husband.
Gasp, again. No he doesn't beat me or tell me when to be home at night. We even do make decisions together for what is best for our family. But I know that I could be a better wife, not only because the bible states that I should but because I want to be better for Curtis himself.
As long as we have been married I've struggled with depending on someone else. I lived for so many years loving and working for myself or for Charli Beth. It's been a hard role to reverse and a difficult lesson for us both. I can admit that marriage has brought a great deal of, "Holy crap Paige, this is how life suppose to be" moments. It hasn't always been fairy tales and I've not always been one to do marriage fairly. Let's face it. Being single is easier to me because that's all I had known. More importantly I've not been an easy wife to love. But this year I plan to learn from mistakes, to contiue this life with my Husband as his friend and Wife.
This analogy can really be directed towards my faith as well. For years, I just pushed it to the side. I thought I could care for myself, by myself. Then it took many nights of whys, or what ifs and tears to turn my life into the direction it should have been. I wasn't the woman that the Lord longs for us to be. By not abiding, I was actually turning my back. Something I didn't really ever think was an issue for my life. I mean, I love the Lord. I went to church on Sunday's. I even raised my hand during some hymnals every now and then. But was I living my life in His light?
That was difficult for me. But I've learned and I've grown. The most amazing thing about it, is the fact that He's never turned his back to me. He has shown his faithfulness. His grace and will to carry me through the moments when I've failed all.
Even tonight as I've looked back on my day as I've been grumpy and just completely mean. I know there is a new moment that awaits to give it another try. So for 2015, as we progress towards the date of my Dads surgery or as the weeks pass I will submit my days to the Lord. I will do better for not only myself but for Him. By doing this alone, I can imagine this year to bring happiness.