A farewell to the year.

2015, has been an amazing year to say the least. We've grown more as family, as a couple and parents. This year has shown us blessings and even opened our eyes in the moments that we have failed others. There has been so much happiness yet moments of sadness. As I go into the next year, I will strive to live by not the days but the moments we are in. 

January was a month that my family had waited months for as my Dad's first surgery was taking place. After weeks of chemo and radiation we were blessed with a positive outlook. The memories that we made together in our hotel room the night before will forever be with us all. From sneaking away to get milkshakes with my sister, to playing headbands and my Mom so innocently giving away all of the answers. 

In February,  we received one of the greatest snowfalls in southern Kentucky that I can remember. The memories that we made together in our home during our "snow days" we're exactly what life is all about. I taught Charli Beth how to make rummy, and boy have we had some fiesty competitions since. 

March arrived with more snow and the sunny days to follow. When the sun starts shinning, and warmer temperature follow its so hard to keep the children in doors. We spent a lot of time on the farm with Papaw, and moments with family and friends. 

April is one of my favorite months because it's the birth month of my first born. Charli Beth loves celebrating party style, just as much as I do. This year was an absolute blast as we hosted a Little House the Parire party. To see Charli and her friends having simple fun, gave me a brand new outlook. For Charli Beth's birthday, she also asked for chickens. When her girls arrived home, we became Chicken Crazy and have been since. 

Easter was also an exciting time for both of the kids as the Easter Bunny came for a visit and continued the tradition of leaving bunny tracks. 

The end of school came in May, and I had literally never been so excited to spend time with the kids. To say that I have a position that allows me to do so, is an understatement of a blessing.

Although, before school was dismissed we had lots of memories to make. We began the month by taking a long weekend as a couple to Branson, MO. We stayed in a sweet adorable little cottage and still laugh about the "old folks trip." Charli also began her new season of softball. This year she became a far more experienced and tough player all around. She accomplished all of her goals, and I couldn't have asked for more than that. This year was also the first annual "pro-police rally" that I sponsored to encourage the officers within our area. I can only hope that this event grows each year. 

We also had our first camping trip as a family. The weather was beautiful and the time spent at night listening to the coyotes, was more than hilarious...now that we are home. 

June is such a busy month of celebrations and busy work. This year the kids helped make our strawberry jam for the year. Charli also was a big help in her first year of helping set tobacco. If Papaw continue to grow, I'm sure she will love to be back out helping, (for at least a few more years.) 

At the beginning of the summer we made a plan to spend at least one day a week volunteering at the loca humane society. For my animal loving children, this was the best thing ever. The rest of the month was spent playing softball, learning the trade of golf, learning violin and spending summer just being a kid. 

July is always so fun as the Fourth of July seems to really kick of Summer fun. This year to celebrate the fourth we were able to take a long weekend to Chattanooga with my parents, and sisters family. 

At the end of the month, we took our first family of four vacation to gulf shores. Charli and Curtis experienced their first jelly fish stings, all while I ran away like a huge chicken. After another sting to Charli of some sort with symptoms of stomach issues, our gulf shores memories are not very fond. 

By the time we arrived back home it was August and the start of school was nearing. We had a few fun days and nights to make the most of the fun we could. Trips to splash pad, yearly girls trip to Holiday World, an American girl store, drive in and fun were celebrated. 

Charli Beth became a fourth grade and I felt as if my whole world had flashed before my eyes. This also quickly approached as my second year in preschool. Even though I had experience, I was more nervous than the first. But as the year started and Bryar began his second year of preschool, it's been tons of fun! 

I turned 28 during the month of September and celebrated my nephews 4th birthday on the same day. We enjoyed scrumptious food together, and my Dad ordered me a never ending plate of country ham. Because I am, "Pig" after all... 

We lost our famous Guinea pig, Gus the same month. He was a special little fur ball, and still to this day Bryar tells us how much he is missed. The same day, my Dad had his second surgery and harsh news was to follow. 

October is my absolute favorite month all because FALL, and well.. Bryar's birthday too. We celebrated fall break at home relaxing and doing fun things. Then soon after our big guy turned four. His party was purely the highlight of fall 2015 for me. It was so much fun for him and working on his projects. 

I also had the fun of dressing up three times for Halloween. I man how lucky am I? 

November came in a quietly but really is a month that stood out to most everyone that I know. While we lived our simple lives of second dentist appointments and lazy days, my hometown experienced a horrific murder of a child. This child's death made a grave impact on my heart forever. I pray to never forget the love, encouragement and hope that a community sought while in grief. 

During November we started incubating our chicks within our classroom. This was entirely fun and exciting process. Too bad, I am now staying up after midnight worried over their warmth of lack there of these days. 

Curtis and I also crossed off a "Food Bucket List" item on Black Friday in Nashville. Hattie B's was absolutely amazing, yet so so so hot. 

December is always a fun month full of many memories that fill the hearts of our children. From parades, the elf on the shelf to plain good ole' family time and of course Christmas. 

Our last memory for the year was making a first time (ever) offer on a house. Even if this may not become our home, it's been a learning experience to say the least. 

At this time, while its 12:38 am on January 1 right now I can honestly say that I am not prepared for 2016. The unknown is worrisome and sometimes scares the crud out of me. I love to be in control of all things around me. Yet as each years passes, I come to see that I am have no control of a single thing. 

I have so many hopes for this year and can only strive to complete them as I should. The main hope to accomplish within this next year and should be easily done is more time with family. I have spent too much time over the past years worrying over how much gas will get me from point A to B, rather than just using the extra pennies to make the memories that count the most. 

This morning with the help of Charli Beth, I made a breakfast casserole and took it to my grandparents to eat with them. Simple, yet so late in doing easy memories and time together. I could of slapped myself a million times for failing to do this already. The happiness that it brought to our Maw, made the kids want to stay longer than we actually could for the day. 

Although, I have certain aspects during this season of life that are making me want to strive in spending more times with all family members, I ask that you think of doing the same. It's so easy to bundle up the littles ones and just spend and hour of two, talking. Letting them know exactly what is going on in your life. Sometimes we feel so distant from our loved ones, only because we have made ourselves that way. 

All in all, i hope to not count these days that are ahead, forget the alarm clocks and just make the memories that we each long. Maybe this should first mean to put down my phone, and get a good nights rest so I can tend to my little one as he wakes through the night. 

Happy 2016 friends.

Time. It's all we want.

The Lord states that joy shall came in the morning, and I've been clinging to that sentence since the horrendous murder of Gabbi Doolin in November. But lately, I wonder how joy can come in such grief. 

On December 22, my Dad was admitted into the hospital for dehydration, low blood pressure and confusion. After a couple nights he began to feel well again thanks to the continuous fluids that he was receiving. While he was admitted it was also time for his PET scan, and they also completeled an MRI due to the confusion that he was having. Little did we know on Christmas Eve, the gift we were all praying for was sadly not answered.

The cancer has continued to spread inspite of the chemotherapy that he had been receiving from Sara Cannon Cancer Center. The cancer grew in numbers on both lungs and liver, with other spots becoming larger. To see the look of disappointment and hurt within your parents eyes, is more gut wrenching  than I can ever describe. Watching the tears fill their loving eyes, will never become easier. 

At this time, they are continually praying (and asking that you do as well) that his insurance is accepted into MD Anderson in Houston, Texas. If not, we just ask that a door opens somewhere for him quickly. 

Doctors are amazing, and work miracles within their steady hands daily. Although, when I hear of them giving a man that is so positive, eager, and seems to be healthy for the most part only months to live, my hope just wants to fade. 

How can months be? 

It's literally just a sickening sentence and one that makes it hard for me to even breath. 

Most of all because I am selfish and I am NOT done loving him yet. I want to continue making memories, and I want my Mom to keep her greatest love within arms reach until the grow old together.

I need my daughters first heartbreak to be from a boy and not the first man that ever loved her. 

I want my son to be able to play tackle football in the front yard for years to come. 

I dream of several inches of snow falling in Kentucky, just so he can take me out to cut donuts in the high school parking lot. 

Then to dance again, while my laughs are making us look more goofy than we already do. 

I just want more time. 

But that's the tricky part no matter how selfish that I am. No one knows how much time is really left for anyone within this world. Five months, or ten years I just hope that we can give him, and one another he best moments possible. 

I would be lying if I didn't say that I am our purely frustrated, scared, and just broken. The roller coaster of grief is hitting me like a ton of bricks the past few days. I know each of our family members have broken hearts as well because we long to continue to love, and be loved by him. So, I ask that you also pray for all of our hearts because just as much as we are hurting, he is hurting too. 

To hear his words that he isn't scared to leave this world because he knows what is ahead, is the most peaceful calming to this storm. But when the next words follow that he just hates to leave his family, because he prayed for so long for God to put us together breaks me once again. I whole heartedly agree with him, that there must be good in this somewhere, for God wouldn't have brought our family together only for heartache years after. 

I can tell you one thing from the bottom of my heart that I know is the good to come out of this family, and that's the placement he made in our lives. Without him our family wouldn't know a Fathers love, hardworking men, or even God's love. He is simply the best thing that could've happened to my sister, mother and I. For this, I am eternally grateful. 

May we each be able to take 2016 for all its worth. To see each day as new, rather than as a time clock. For the prayers to be answered, and for each of us to find the good within the world. To all of the memories that we have made with a Dad who can never be replaced, and for all of the ones that will be made in the days to come.