Tuesday, September 25, 2012

As I see myself, My Daughter Sees Me.

A little while ago while scrolling through Twitter, I caught part of a conversation between a girl Mom and a follower of hers. She was speaking about how she cannot stand the fact that she has low self esteem in her self image and the impact it can have on her daughter.

Whoa.

So I sat there thinking for a while over analyzing the impact that I have now forced onto Charli Beth. Even if it is a selfish of me, I will be the first to admit that I have never truly put this into perspective like I should have been doing all along. I do make comments to my daughter about my body, my hair and most of all myself in general. Even when she says sweet sincere things like, "Mommy I hope to be as pretty as you one day." I just shake my head telling her "No Char you do not want to be like Mommy."

What kind of example have I been setting as not only her Mother, but her friend and of course her role model? We as parents, friends or family members are setting the future for our children. They are sponges, sponges of lots of fails and positives that we have put out there for them to soak up. Even if we are a little down on our selves should we continue to pass out the judgemental flaws or should we lift them up with positives and respectful manners? It is our decision to pick how we want our children to feel about us and themselves.

This is a photo of me just as I was going to bed, still thinking about the impacts. I have no make up on, and yes I typically wear my hair as a mess. I possibly have the most low self esteem of anyone I know. I can point out flaws to you in a matter of seconds in which most people would be asking what or where these flaws were (Ex: My hair, my teeth, my scar, my attitude, my fashion) My husband questions why I feel this way about myself daily, and wonders how I ever got to this point. Honestly, so do I. Is it a girl thing? Or a young Mommy of two thing? I am not sure. But I do know that we must love and respect our selves because if we do not, who will including our little ones.

Do I want Charli or Bryar either one growing up to think that I am "not good" enough? No. I want them to think of me as flawless, just as I think of my own Mother. Or do I want my husband to think less of me just because I am Pessimistic Paige 24/7? Of Course not.
 
So it is up to ME and me alone to fix this problem. What can I do to eliminate this "issue" of Mommy fails that I am having right smack in front of my daughter? For one, keep my mouth shut and two work on the issues that I believe I have by talking to other Moms. I have figured out in the last week, that just talking to someone (Which just so happens to always be my Husband) and getting my feelings out there is so much better then keeping them in to where they make me sink further into an uncomfortable hole of pointless self consciousness.

Next, PRAY. This is huge. God made us beautiful women for a reason. He made each of us unique in our own way, so we could show our ups, downs and all arounds if you must. I pray daily to be a better Wife and Mother, for the Lord to show me the way in his word in becoming what HE created me to be. Because like stated above we are such important role models for so many different people in our lives. Little people who do not need anymore negative energy than they are already given in this crazy world.

Lastly, be thankful. Each of us as Mother's have our own baby battle wounds, from stretch marks to deflated boobies (Don't act like you have no idea what I'm talking about. Nursing can take a toll on your ladies!) I have a scar from a surgery that I had as an infant that goes from my breast bone to my belly button, it is terribly ugly and big. But in all honesty, if I wouldn't have had that surgery would I be here today? I have scars on my legs and beside my right eye from a awful car accident that I was involved in after graduating high school. I am thankful, since these scars are the only marks I was left to deal with for the rest of my life.

My belly may not be flat now after two babies and my hair may not be perfect but my heart is full and my cup runneth over. As we all know this is what matters the most, and for that very reason I will pick joy. Joy in bringing my self up and never bringing my daughter down with my thoughtless statements of my own self image.
 
Your body is a testimony to the world of God’s design. Carry the extra weight joyfully until you can lose it joyfully. Carry the scars joyfully as you carry the fruit of them. Do not resent the damages that your children left on your body. Just like a guitar mellows and sounds better with age and scratches, so your body can more fully praise God having been used for His purposes.
-Rachel Jankovic


4 comments:

Emily B said...

I don't have the best body image either. Even with that I've never heard my mom say a negative thing about her body or mine. I really hope that one day I can have her attitude about body image. It's not worth the stress, and I cause myself so much unneeded stress with body issues.

Southern Belle Mama said...

This is exactly what I needed to hear as I watch my body change daily through pregnancy. It's a message that every woman needs to hear. Thank you for sharing!

Sarah said...

This is a beautiful post from a beautiful lady! Charli is SO lucky to have such a great role model teaching her about how to love herself! Love your heart, sweet friend!

Kim said...

Beautiful post Paige! I couldn't agree with you more hun. We all have these moments in life where we doubt ourselves and if we are not good enough. I always find peace and comfort through God who gives me strength daily! You are a wonderful Momma, wife, and friend and a great inspiration through Christ!

Not sure if you are a big reader (which I am not but love a good book) or heard of this, "A Confident Heart" by Renee Swope ? It's about how to atop doubting yourself & live in security of Gods promise. Maybe something your heart could use for this particular post. :-)

I plan on purchasing it today.
May your heart be filled with joy sweet lady!

Story of Mommy

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I am a sinner saved by the grace of God. A wife to the 5oh, and Mother to Charli Beth and Bryar. This is my story of Motherhood, life experiences and sometimes even my overwhelming heart all typed out. I believe in second chances, yet the firm hand of parenting. That sweet tea is of the comfort food category. Chickens belong in every backyard. Children should each have a responsibility of their own while helping take care of duties in the home. Sports are a must for our family, and we spend many nights on courts or fields. We consistently feel new to each of the experiences that are brought into our lives. But we are always excited for the journey in which God has given us.

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