Thursday, February 28, 2013

My life v.s. Parenthood

I have been watching Parenthood for maybe a month during my "lunch" while the kiddos are asleep. Believe it or not I have made it to Season 3, and am between episodes at the moment. There are so many things about this show that I like and some that I stare at my netflix like what the heck. For an example, Hattie and the way she speaks to Adam and Christina. My Mom would have back handed me, and I would think about doing the same to Charli Beth. It's just unacceptable. But I do love their love for one another. How this family is all so different yet they still love and connect with one another.

While watching the show the past few days while Seth is in recovery and Amber (his daughter) is trying to figure out how to love him, it hit me hard. I actually sat down ate a few oreos with milk and cried. No lie, the oreos made me feel better. But I started thinking at the end of the episode when Seth gives Amber all of the birthday cards from the years that he missed, how nice of a gesture that is. But that pain can never be taken away, even with a gesture of such.

Most of the people that I know in real life, have heard at some point that I do not know my real Father. Just as Charli does not. Have I felt major issues about this while growing up? Yes and no.

I have tried to figure out how a man can go without seeing his children for so long, and honestly not care about them at all. I remember when I was little and thinking that my "Dad" would at least call on my birthday, but it never came. Or that when I was 4 at the park (which was the last time he came to see us)he said he would see us soon but never tried again. I have had a support system and a man to fill the role as Father. As the memories of the once upon a time suppose to be Dad faded, I have come to terms with it more and more - just as I know Charli will as she grows up.

Some poeple think it is strange that I have half brothers and sisters that I have never met. I can admit that I think it is strange too. Although, it is not my fault or theirs. If it were up to me, I would help fill the hole of the worthless man we all share as a Father. I have indeed made contact with one through Facebook. We have not met in real life, but I hope she knows that I would love to make the connection with her one day.

It truly is quiet amazing how people can be so careless. I will never understand it. When my "Dad" was in jail 30 minutes from my home for never paying child support on my sister and I. Even though I was given the option, I never went to see him.Why waste my time, even though I wonder if I look like him? Why should I try to care about a man that has never thought to care about me?

These questions will always be in my heart. I thought he had died from a tornado in his area two years ago; a man with the same name and age was killed. I called to check at the local police department to see if it was him, but after a few days they called back to let me know it was not. During that time I wondered if I would be sad, or if I would attend the funeral all while wanting to punch him.

To this day I still have no sympathy for this man. I will never forgive him for the holes he has left in our lives. I will never respect him by giving him the time of day. If I do attend his funeral when the time comes, it will be only to see what he looks like and to grieve over the fact that he was not man enough to be the man he should of been all of our lives.

So I understand where Amber is coming from. Parenthood has had this tricky way of capturing my heart. For the longest time I did not think I would like this show. But now it is making me do some soul searching of my own, and helping me figure out why I have always felt this way. So thank you to the producers and screen writers of this show. You have captured me.

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Story of Mommy

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I am a sinner saved by the grace of God. A wife to the 5oh, and Mother to Charli Beth and Bryar. This is my story of Motherhood, life experiences and sometimes even my overwhelming heart all typed out. I believe in second chances, yet the firm hand of parenting. That sweet tea is of the comfort food category. Chickens belong in every backyard. Children should each have a responsibility of their own while helping take care of duties in the home. Sports are a must for our family, and we spend many nights on courts or fields. We consistently feel new to each of the experiences that are brought into our lives. But we are always excited for the journey in which God has given us.

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--If you have any questions or just want to chat, feel free to email me! @ paigeleana@yahoo.com --

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