It seems that as time stands still in this awkward phase of my twenty seven year old life, where I still cannot seem to find my place I truly find my living grace within my children. There is an old saying, "While we try to teach our children about life, they teach us what life is all about."
Be still my heart.
That is so very true. I sometimes sit and wonder why I am not here, there or anywhere but exactly where I am in this moment. I take shame in the fact that I do not have the time or avalablity in many ways to finish college. I feel self conscious more days than most that I am sitting at home cleaning, changing diapers for 3 kids and chasing after my own two year old. I want more somedays, and sometimes I just do not feel worthy.
Then He sends blessings and reminders of why I am exactly where I need to be at this moment.
Charli is such a special girl. Not just because she is my first born, partner during hardships and best friend. Her soul shines so brightly and her heart is made of gold.
Yesterday while preparing for a grocery trip Charli noticed that she had $4 and some change. As with any seven year old the money was burning a hole deep within her pocket. She wondered if there were any Frozen toys within her range. Then at one moment she decided to add it to her collection of savings for an American girl horse. After tossing around the idea she made the final decision to buy herself a treat.
As we made our way to the store, she tucked her pink and purple horse wallet down inside her jacket. While looking through the toy aisles she found some cheap accessories that can fit 18" dolls that won over her eyes.
While leaving the toys she looked up at me with the precious look of innocence and said, "How much more money do I need to buy a truck for Bryar?"
I counted her money and told her the total. Of course she needed to know if tax was involved but clearly I let her know that I had some extra change to help her with. She took minutes finding the exact truck that Bryar would enjoy playing with.
.75 cents is what it cost.
3 quarters is were I stood with tears filling my eyes thinking, "My gracious Lord, I am so undeserving of such." A heart so innocent and sweet. It is simple reminders like this of why I am here in this moment of teaching and parenting.
This may seem so typical for others and honestly Charli never goes a day not thinking of someone else. She is constantly making arts and crafts for family members or school friends. But somedays it just touches my heart to see her go out of her way, to make someone else's day.
This is exactly why I am here in this awkward stage of my personal being; so that I can help lead my children in the ways we want them to go. Even if I am not where I want or feel that I need to be, It is a blessing to be here and honestly sometimes my own selfishness takes the best of me in seeing those things. I just thank God for bringing me back to where I need to be and for such humble gold hearted children.