Friday, January 29, 2016

Braving The Darkness

PTSD and depression among veterans has been made clear by the millions. Although, I feel we are taking baby steps in the right direction, I am thankful steps are being made. We are starting to finally see the need for soldiers that are coming home wounded on the inside. Their hearts are shattered at the brothers they have lost, and sometimes they really just have no idea how to grasp reality once they are back on American soil. While my heart aches tremendously for them, my eyes have also been drawn into the Thin Blue Line recently.

Every 17 hours a member of the ever so famous Law Enforcement, Thin Blue Line family takes his or her own life. 

That is a gut wrenching statistic and one that I feel also needs to be made aware of.

In 2012, there were 126 police officers that ended their own lives. While I have been in the presence of a suicidal person, this statistic breaks my heart. The amount of hurt, unknown, and loss of feeling that individuals out there are feeling breaks my heart. We are living in a world of hate towards professions that serve us so much. We preach bullying to our children everyday. I constantly hear it within the Elementary schools, and I hear it among the TV shows that I watch with my two children. But what more are we doing than belittling men and women who least deserve it.

When we are at our most vulnerable states these men and women are there for us, who is there for them when it's over?

It's completely hard to recognize that even though millions see officers as heroes, there is an extraordinary amount of hate for them as well. They are consistently being called names, fought with, hated by the media, and told what an awful job they are doing. Can you imagine giving someone everything with nothing in return?

These are men that hold babies on the side of the road, because Mom was just killed in a car accident. Women doing CPR until other first responders arrive on the scene. Others going into a house that's not only filled with insects, lice and dirty dishes over flowing the counters but meth being made as well, all while nothing can be done to the heart of the little boy that just watched Daddy beat Mommy up once again.

It's a scary terrifying world that we live in that you and I only know only a small portion of, but they encounter every day.

As I was reading one of the many Law Enforcement facebook pages recently, I came upon a graphic with two names.  They also shared a last name, and presented different end of watch dates. I was really puzzled by this as I didn't recognize the names of the two listed to be in the line of duty deaths. So of course, curiosity got the best of me and I began to read. 

Then my heart broke.

On December 15, 2015 Michael Birdell an officer from Birmingham, Alabama took his own life. His wide Angie had written in to a page asking to share how she was pleading for everyone to look after officers, as well as signs of depression. She was broken that her husband had ended his life, and was wishing that there was more that she could do. Her pleads were heartfelt and you could tell that she wanted someone, anyone to hear her words. 

A little over a month later, on January 19, 2016 Angie Birdell, a detective ended her life. Each time I think of this situation, tears stroll down my cheeks. Even now I can feel my heart inching its way into my throat as I cannot imagine the loss of hope, and loneliness she was feeling. I cannot help but to be also be angry with how she lost the love of her life, a joyful person and took the same measures. 

I wanted to read more about these two and their lives, so I began reading comments. I wanted to see the hope, love and friendship that others had felt for the couple. But the longer I scrolled the more I read in comments from women stating that their Husbands had also killed themselves. It was truly heart aching and the only joy I could find within this post, was the lifting of sprits and blessings each person poured into the next. This is way that the Thin Blue Line typically works, or does it?

I cannot help but to wonder if we are doing enough for one another? Are we not being the wives our Husbands need? Should we be checking in with friends more than we are at this moment? Of course, we should be. We can always do more. 

I know first hand that I have laid next to a man that is beaten, tired and just full of emotions after a days work. He's witnessed death in more ways than I can imagine. The fights he's indulged for the safety of himself and others, has really been a test of just how much he loves his occupation as an officer of peace. But as a wife, I have failed him on more than one occasion. I have failed our friends more times than I can count, with the lack of friendship that I have given.

I may only be the wife of an officer, but there is so much more that I can do. There is so much more that you can do as well.

Just as we have started to notice the suicide trends among millions of others, we must also be a witness to those serving our streets. Depression can hurt everyone, and no matter the size of the hero, the battles within could be much larger. Give someone your time. It really is that easy to be a light in someone's life. Be the friend or even the family member that you should be. Demons can over take someone's mind quicker than we can all imagine. I wish that someone or something could have made a difference in the 126 officer's lives back in 2012. Or in the three I've just recently heard of.

Today I'm pleading to be the light to someone. Make a mends. Love a friend. Listen to their story, their heart because all it takes is a little love to help push the darkness away. 


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Story of Mommy

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I am a sinner saved by the grace of God. A wife to the 5oh, and Mother to Charli Beth and Bryar. This is my story of Motherhood, life experiences and sometimes even my overwhelming heart all typed out. I believe in second chances, yet the firm hand of parenting. That sweet tea is of the comfort food category. Chickens belong in every backyard. Children should each have a responsibility of their own while helping take care of duties in the home. Sports are a must for our family, and we spend many nights on courts or fields. We consistently feel new to each of the experiences that are brought into our lives. But we are always excited for the journey in which God has given us.

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