I am that girl

There are certain people in life, that have things handed to them "wrongly" or not so easy as one would say, not saying that this is me. But whenever we give someone our all, we are soon shut down, broken hearted and left to pick up the pieces of the aftermath. No matter what, you must put a smile on your face and go on.It's not because we do not love this person, but because this person must not love us enough, so we become strong. Sometimes it causes you to become cold, leery or even mad at everything in general. I have always been that girl.

But...I don't want to be that girl anymore. I want to be happy, and know that one day God's plan will be accomplished and my life will feel more of an success than as a failure. I want to love and be loved by someone that knows just how amazing I am, and knows that I am worth that effort. That will never give up on me, like people consistently seem to do. I am not a girl with an easy life style, I work, I struggle, I go to school, I take care of my girl, I fall apart and I pick myself back up again. I am simply a mess, but a beautiful mess at that. I can be your everything but I can also be your worst enemy all in like five seconds. That is just who I am. But if I love you, you will know it and that will never change. I want to stop having my heart broke, crying at work while I am by myself, and looking like a walking zombie at other times.

I have been left while pregnant before, felt abandoned, cried my tears, screamed, searched and moved on with my life. Even though I do not want to, I can move on again, but it doesn't feel like it is the right thing to do?

I suppose I forgot how it felt to feel lost, unknowing of what the future may hold, and who may be there to share it with me. I forgot how it feels to be "slapped in the face" with such harsh words for no reason at all. I forgot what it was like to have someone to not care about your feelings or your child's, when all you want to do is live the life that you were given together. I forgot what it felt like to give your heart to someone you care so much about, for them to simply turn their back on you and walk away.

How can you do that? Is it a girl thing to feel so lonely and so attached to something that does not even want to be there? Because so many people have been through this, and seriously I am not someone that "has to" have a man in my life, I have my daughter and that is what I need, I just despise having my heart broken. But who doesn't? I have no idea where I am going with writing this, it is just that I want to be happy and not feel so empty like I do right now. I forgot what it was like to be walked over like I was with D, because I was happy for so long, I felt whole once again, I knew my life was exactly where it wanted and needed to be.

There is nothing in the world that can make feelings like this better except, time and prayer; they heal all. I learned this by waiting for someone for so long, wasting my time wishing, praying and hoping that they would take my hand, remember who they really were and simply love me back. I'm not going to ask someone to love me, if you don't want to then so be it. You're missing out on two girls that are amazing, beautiful, silly and worth every bit of the struggle that goes along with a relationship. Her and I with or without someone else will accomplish many extraordinary things in our journey together, and this is exactly what this blog is all about. This is not a sob story,it is the happiest and even the saddest events that we may go through. This is what you get because "I am that girl" and most of you have been broken before as well so you can relate. Although, if I don't seem like myself for a while, just know that it is time for this girl to just find herself once again.

--The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These people have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do NOT just happen.--

P.S. all prayers are appreciated.