And She Does it, Again.

On Friday night we were on our way to dinner, and Charli starts asking questions. You know, the type of questions that make you cringe, swear and your heart sink to your toes? She is really good at those. As she is getting older and starting to realizes the differences in family members and her school friends, she asked me if I had two Dad's growing up.

Gulp.

I've tried to avoid this questions. Because I know soon after this question, the question of her own will arise. Which is probably an okay discussion but I plan to avoid it until I feel neccassary. 

So I tried to talk my way out if it, which obviously did not work. She explained to me that she has a friend who has a step brother, and she remembers that I met my sister last year. 

Darn.

"Yes, I do have two Dad's kind of. But my "real" one has not ever been in my life."

"well, Mom if I knew him I would just explain to him how he needs more experience then he would see how great kids really are."

Haha. "He just isn't a man that would care, Charli. He mainly just cares about himself from what I know and because of that it makes me not care about him at all."

"That is not how Jesus loves us and wants us to love others."

Yea. Really? A conviction, guilt trip and hilarious laughter all into one. How does she do it? How is she able to convict me at seven?

This conversation did make me think, and I know she is right. But just because she is right does not mean that I am wrong too. Do you I love him for his failure of being a parent to my siblings and I? No. Will I ever? Never. But do I understand that people fail others and themselves on a constant basis. Yes. 

I cannot say that I will ever not dislike him and if she wants to dislike her biological Father, I will not hender her from doing so. This may or may not be the incorrect way of parenting or being a Christian but wow, I simply just cannot justify love in this one.

A Very Late Elf Post.

Every year I have strived my best to stay away from the dreaded elf. I honestly get way to stressed during the holiday season and overwhelmed with all that is going on. But this year I gave in. 

We decided that if we were going to take this task on, then it was best for us to strive to do it as a Christian version. This is the letter that Mr. Jingle left the night he  arrived:

{Zoom in, I refused to type again. Ha}

Charli was so excited that she kept saying, "I'm going to pass out." Then she fell in the floor in the biggest smile. Score! Mommy and Daddy for the win. 

Then as time went on, I realized there were so so many questions arising. One day Jingle even forgot to move. But that was blamed on Charli having the tummy bug and him just wanting to watch over her. 

No kidding this mischevious little dude wrapped the toilet the day that Bryar and I both had the stomach bug. I mean how does that even happen? Thank goodness Charli knew it was okay for the parents to touch him and his projects since there are so many little hands in our home. 

One day he knocked over her Christmas tree. She was not thrilled about this, at all. 

She left to stay with grandparents one night so he was able to take ride on "Bobby James the horse."

Everyone really cracked up at him being a goof and using the potty. Which I think freaked Bryar out and made him stop using the potty for a while? 

Then, Heaven help us a toddler touched him. There was screaming, tears shed and I thought Charli had cut off a limb. But after explaining the process of writing a letter to Santa to restore Jingle's magic, he was awarded a certificate of health. Thank goodness for second chances. 

Pay no attention to the tape you may or may not be able to see. Seriously, people how do you make these things stay so perfectly? 

Yea... I now see that he looks like he is being put on the cross in the above photo. But he stayed there tightly all night, which was a score for me. 

Bryar loved the snacks that were left out. He would eat on them all day until Charli arrived back home. 

Then Bryar got croup, so he stayed above his bed to keep a close eye on him. Charli called "lame" on this. But Jingle was just to tired to care much at this point. 

He made up for it the next night by being a stinker and hanging their undies on the Christmas tree. Everyone loved this. 

Right before it was time for him to leave, he was touched again by Bryar. Bah-humbug. So after another certificate of health, I was ready for a mild departure. 

Charli made him some crafts and told him just how much she loved him visiting them this year. She was really sweet about it. But... It raised a lot of questions from her seven year old self. So many questions that I have started second guessing the entire process. Maybe I put to much into it, or maybe the entire thing was just not a grand idea? I'm not sure. Will we do it this coming year? I am going to say probably not. We shall see though. 

Why Marriage Was For Me

Lately I have been reading a lot of hate from single women and especially single Moms on facebook about marriage. I'm not sure if this is their way in dealing with that loss of satisfaction of finding their perfect partner or if their vision on marriage is as completely different than the one that I have myself. Throughout my adulthood, I have thrown myself some terrible curve balls and completely sidetracked my self from the path that I had always visioned or myself. Thankfully, the Lord's plan was so much bigger than my own.

As I was reading through my newsfeed the other day, I noticed a quote graphic. I am a lover of those corny things. But this one I'm not going to share because the verbiage just isn't me. It said something about "Once upon a time there was a prince who asked a beautiful princess to marry him and she said no. The princess lived happily ever after. She traveled the world and met interesting people. No one ever said, "go fix me a sandwich!" Then she went to rock concerts, and always puts herself first...." {Not hating on the person who posted this because I love her. But this is my side of my story}

Let me tell you something first of all, if my Husband ever demanded that I "go fix him a sandwich." He would probably have a sandwich upside his red head. No lie. Marriage is not about that.

Marriage is about companionship. Which is something that we all long for. If you say that you are not, then you are blinded by the fact that you are looking for it in other things rather than marriage. You can look for it alcohol, drugs, shopping, even facebook. Because those things can make you feel loved. I am not saying that you do but I know this because I have been there. But they are not real things, that can come home to you every day and give you the support.

Support is a huge reason that I knew that marriage was for me. I wanted someone that supported my decisions and my every move as a parent, or as a being on this Earth. When I was a single Mother I looked for support in all of the wrong places, especially in my work and it failed me time and time again.

Being married does not mean that I cannot go do my "own thing," which I suppose could mean a rock concert. But, let's be honest my rockin' days were over way before marriage life took me in. Now, I have a best friend, better yet a soul mate that I attend concerts with. We just prefer things like George Strait over head banging or such. {Not dissin'...just saying}

We may fight and some days...Heck, I may not even like him at all. But marriage is for me and it is something that we all long for. Maybe not in this moment of your life, or maybe you will never see it for you. But just because it is not for you does not mean that our lives as the ones who have chosen marriage are failed. We do not demand things from one another and even on the days that we long for freedom, we are still blessed to just simply be loved. 

Blessings On A Selfish Heart

It seems that as time stands still in this awkward phase of my twenty seven year old life, where I still cannot seem to find my place I truly find my living grace within my children. There is an old saying, "While we try to teach our children about life, they teach us what life is all about." 

Be still my heart. 

That is so very true. I sometimes sit and wonder why I am not here, there or anywhere but exactly where I am in this moment. I take shame in the fact that I do not have the time or avalablity in many ways to finish college. I feel self conscious more days than most that I am sitting at home cleaning, changing diapers for 3 kids and chasing after my own two year old. I want more somedays, and sometimes I just do not feel worthy. 

Then He sends blessings and reminders of why I am exactly where I need to be at this moment. 

Charli is such a special girl. Not just because she is my first born, partner during hardships and best friend. Her soul shines so brightly and her heart is made of gold. 

Yesterday while preparing for a grocery trip Charli noticed that she had $4 and some change. As with any seven year old the money was burning a hole deep within her pocket. She wondered if there were any Frozen toys within her range. Then at one moment she decided to add it to her collection of savings for an American girl horse. After tossing around the idea she made the final decision to buy herself a treat. 

As we made our way to the store, she tucked her pink and purple horse wallet down inside her jacket. While looking through the toy aisles she found some cheap accessories that can fit 18" dolls that won over her eyes.

While leaving the toys she looked up at me with the precious look of innocence and said, "How much more money do I need to buy a truck for Bryar?"

Sweetness overload. 

I counted her money and told her the total. Of course she needed to know if tax was involved but clearly I let her know that I had some extra change to help her with. She took minutes finding the exact truck that Bryar would enjoy playing with. 

.75 cents is what it cost.

 

3 quarters is were I stood with tears filling my eyes thinking, "My gracious Lord, I am so undeserving of such." A heart so innocent and sweet. It is simple reminders like this of why I am here in this moment of teaching and parenting. 

This may seem so typical for others and honestly Charli never goes a day not thinking of someone else. She is constantly making arts and crafts for family members or school friends. But somedays it just touches my heart to see her go out of her way, to make someone else's day. 

This is exactly why I am here in this awkward stage of my personal being; so that I can help lead my children in the ways we want them to go. Even if I am not where I want or feel that I need to be, It is a blessing to be here and honestly sometimes my own selfishness takes the best of me in seeing those things. I just thank God for bringing me back to where I need to be and for such humble gold hearted children. 

During The Cold

There has not been much going on around here lately. The bitter cold has kept us inside except for a few birthday parties and errand running. So what better way to pass time by then to make gifts, all while learning my new machines!

First I made a bib for an adoption baby shower at church. I loved this print and thought adding an E would be a precious touch. I also made a flannel blankie for this sweet baby. If you can please pray for this family as they start their journey of parenthood.  

  

We have a little girl that I keep this cute set along with cake mixes and such. I personally think it is so adorable! 

Last Friday night I made my first ruffled minky blanket. It wa so much fun to make with the new challenges but I loves taking the time to make it. It's so soft and I think baby Jada will love it. I will be soon making her twin brother a blanket too.

Who could resist being this little guys Valentine? I love this shirt and have made several for some sweet little ones. 

Hopefully as the days come and the cold stays around I will learn more on my machines. Everyone seems to complain about not having enough time to make items with their embroidery machines. I do agree that it takes a lot of time. Curtis says that I am obsessed. Maybe I am but I am having a lot of fun learning an old yet new art. 

While Getting Your Skinny On!

It's the new year which means that 95% of us ladies are all trying to get our skinny on. We are working out, shaking it up in the mornings with our protein drinks and doing fiber filled foods all the days long. 

I am all for it. Really I am... Except for the fact that I am really not in this category. I am more to the sidelines cheering you people on. My own Mother who has been amazing and lost 37 pounds over the past months. She really is doing wonderful and I cannot be more proud. Not to even mention that she joined a gym and is going to multiple classes throughout the week... Let's also not forget the fact that she has lymphadema. I'm pretty sure that I am her número uno fan. 

But let's be real here. What I am not a fan of, is clearly this and it's going to sound judge mental but really I am hoping it is more of an open your eyes smack in the face post for anyone who may need it, even myself someday possibly.

Where do we go in our lives from feeling over weight to an all new skinny then constantly posting photographs of ourselves in bikinis? Or maybe even skimpy shorts and sports bras? I get it y'all I some days feel straight up like the busted can of crescent rolls I made tonight for dinner. Then some other days I am all like, "Heck yes, I still have it after two kids." {Lets be honest, the first rules my life generally.} 

What I am trying to say is I get feeling hot. I get wanting to share my recent weight loss to the world. But do we really need to show THAT much? I have recently seen girls in towels on my Instagram, girls in barely anything on FB feeds and one girl even topless turned around. There is a difference in the art of nude photography and this y'all. It's Instagram for Pete's Sake.

Would you want your daughter(s) posting pictures like this when they get to the age of judging their bodies? I know we all hope that our children do not judge their bodies or feel self conscious but they will. It's a part of nature to want to look your best and be your best. 

But a part of being a woman is lovin yourself and sharing yourself in class. Modesty is sometimes the most beautiful thing because sometimes confidence can quickly turn into cockiness. 

So how about let's save those half nakeys or even full force birthday suits with your Hubby's? I'm sure they will love it more than we/I do. 

Bull Riding & Mutton Bustin'

A few weekends ago we traveled to Bardstown, Kentucky with a couple of our friends and kids in tote. There is this little whole in the earth arena where hold bull riding events every Saturday. 

Yes, of course my kids and Husband were in Heaven. 

Charli was pumped up all day because we told her that she could ride a sheep, "mutton bustin'!" She even watched videos on YouTube because she was destined to win the trophy. 

Poor Bryar held on like a champ with Daddy trying to be in arms reach the entire time. Then someone stupidly (yes, I said it) slapped the sheep and made him take off in a run. Thankfuly, Curtis stayed close by and it made for the funniest picture. 

Charli had a totally different experience and learned what happens when your animal does not cooperate.

As you can see her sheep stood still the entire time. Poor girl wanted that trophy and would of won if she had an active one. 

After the kids rode the sheep, chased chickens and little pigs Bryar just knew it was time for him to ride a bull. I spent the night wrangling him and trying to explain why he could not get on. 

After it was over we hit up a mcdonalds and headed back home. Was it worth the 2 1/2 hour drive? The kids believe so.. 

Sew Much Fun!

In the past few days, Charli and I have been sewing more and more. As we all know practice makes perfect and we shall be hitting pro-level at any moment now.... Totally kidding! 

Even though we have been having a lot of fun together and making wonderful memories, I can already see the amount of money we may spend in fabric. Yesterday, like most other states we were frigid cold. Charli's school has been canceled the last two days so we stayed in our pjs all day and played.

We made a baby sling to fit her and of course she had to add in an animal rather than a baby. 

We also made an infinity scarf to fit her. 

It is a little bit loose but perfect for a "first." Not to mention, how easy these are! I will for sure be making more! 

I have also been practicing making bibs. I have a pattern to use but I just really have to improve on my techniques. These types of bibs were my favorite for Bryar Wayne. 

Charli also made pillows with design stitches to go with her American Girl dolls and blankets.

I truly believe that these are such precious moments for her and I. I am SO glad that I took the plunge and asked for this for Christmas. I cannot wait to see what else we come up with!