Okay, the pictures above are from the mountains when Charli Beth was "fixing my hair." Which I am sure that you can she what she is trying to do. Besides rip my noggin' off! haha. Love her heart. She loves exploring new things. She loves to sing and dance most of all. I wonder some days what she will grow up and be. Most of the time it's a singer or something to the sort, she loves the have her 5 mins of fame ALL THE TIME. At other times she loves taking pictures or acting as if she is. She stands like "heather" the lady that does our pictures and says say CHEEEEZZZEE! Charli loves playing mommy and taking care of her babies (which she now uses mom and I for). She'll be a great big sister someday?! haha. She also loves to get dirty and play with the tractors. She is so much like myself whenever I was a little girl. Such a little princess but then a little farmer girl too. I hope she countinues being this way and opening herself and her imagination up to new things! I just love this little girl to death. We watched the DVD of her first year today ( like 3 times) and i cried every single time. She has grew up incredibly fast, and is such a lovely young lady! I am so very blessed to have her in my life.

My little Punk Chick in Gatlinburg, TN

I havent wrote in a few days because we went on our yearly family vacation to Gatlinburg. I know theres probably only 2 people that ever even look at my blog besides myself....love your hearts who ever you are! lol. Well, Charli Beth had a blast in the mountains. She got a guitar so now she can sing like a "rockstar," she went to a kiddie ride park and had a blast, and i took her to the aquariam. Plus she got to show off infront of new people, which she loves to do! We had a very good trip while we were gone. There were a couple times that she got a little to wild from not being use to staying in a motel away from her own enviroment but that seems to happen anytime we are not at our house for the night right now. She has also got very attached to sleeping with Mommy, and have Mommy by her side all the time. She now tells me that I cant go to work, because she needs me to be at home with her. I know how sweet right? But also how heartbreaking...Love her heart. Well, I'll post some pictures but then its time to talk to the *boy and head to bed. Im wore out. Btw, I started back sitting in on EMT classes tonight. YAY for me!

No Kidding! This little piggy almost ate the WHOLE thing!


"Take a picture Mommy, its a SHARK, *chomp chomp*"

I will post more later...thanks for looking & Godbless.

Random.

LOVE. you want it, but also at the sametime you hate it. It seems like everytime I start dealing with someone that could possibly be relationship material. I run...i suppose you can call me the Run away wanna be bride. haha. I dont know what the deal is. Maybe its from lack of trust with men anymore? Or maybe that I am just simply not ready to commit to something that can break my heart in the end? I hate the thought of Charli Beth getting attached to someone again, and then having to go back through the Mommy's friend isn't going to be around anymore. So many more think of this as me being a "bia," weak, or heck i dunno what people think. Honestly, I dont care. I know that in my heart and in my mind. I want someone in my life. I pick and choose and try to pick the little things out of people that will end up making them a bad person in my mind, just so that i have a reason to run. I also think that my Mother does this. (no offense mama) I hate that I do this. I can be on top of the world be so happy and crushing on someone like never before...and then BAM...maybe its reality trying to slap me in the face before I make stupid decisions in my life. Hmph. I just wonder if I will ever get to the point in my life where I can stop second guessing things and questioning everything that walks into my life. My mom and I have been into it quite a bit this past week over dating and who I date. Where they live, weather they have kids, what they can do for my life, and etc. She is right. (thats the last time I'll probably ever say that, haha!) But why can a girl just not date. I say all the time to her "it's nto like I dont have a life, besides work, charli and you guys. I am 21 and I never get out, so whats the big deal." I suppose the big deal would be getting Charli Beth attached to someone or getting someone elses kids attached to us. I dont like the fact of that at all. I would never in my life move away from my family. Esp. for a long time. I want many things in life, and I have many dreams. I will get those things and will live my dream. Maybe I ask for to much in life. Again, I sometimes wonder if I will ever someone as much as I did him and will let me heart be careless and fall not wondering if they will catch me?!?

It's 4:29am and I'm at work for now well my 8th day in a row and coming back in 3-11 this afternoon. Woohoo for that money =) haha! Anyways, just thought I would give you all something to laugh about for the day. Charli brought Mom and I a bottle of bubbles yesterday afternoon while we were in the living room talking. Of course I didnt want "bubbly juice" all over the couch so I acted like I couldnt get the bottle open! So she went back and forth to Mom and I trying to show us how to open the bottle up. Saying "do it like this.....*ahhh*" trying her little heart out, and turning blood red in the face. Well, mom eventually told her that we just couldnt do it for her. She told us "hang on a minute"..got on her knees, put her hands together, knelt her head to floor and started talking. Then said amen. We asked what she was doing and she said "i pray. Now open bottle" hahaha! Love that little girls heart. You never know the next thing that is going to come out of her mouth of what she is going to do next. I believe this one of the moments where I thank God that I have her in my life and how beautiful, smart and talatened she already is! I can already see that going on vacation next month is going to be blast with her. This week Charli Beth and I are going back to Richmond for a night to go to a Police Academy Graduation. She loves being "Charli deputy" so I'm sure I will have plenty of pictures to show for her time we spend up there.

blowing out candles on cake #1

(and still with blonde hair)

cheezin' BIG time.

My sister & I before heading out for the night

Okay, so the birthday weekend went great! I loved spending time with my sister and my old roomie from college Stephanie. I can always count on Stephanie to be a great friend. She also tagged along 5 friends with her from Owensboro, and they were all hilarous and made my night totally worth it! Esp. Joel which was one of three guys to give me a lap dance at Graham Central Station infront of everyone for my bday. I will not post pictures of this event on here though! Sorry guys! =) My first drink of the night, or first couple was from McFadden's ?? Never heard of it, but the bartender was awesome and they were all screaming happy birthday to me before i even got in! So more power to that place. We had dinner at Deemo's restraunt before heading out that night, and sweetheart Johnathan had them to bring me a brownie with candles in it. Totally sweet. I didnt get to drunk, and yes I probably shouldn't have drank at all. But I do only have one 21st birthday! Atleast thats what I keep getting reminded of! Well back to reality we had to get up extra early since I had to work Sunday at 2 pm and dang Ike was blowing the crap outta Kentucky. Thank God, scottsville was not hit hard because I'm not very sure I could of handled it that day. Charli Beth had a horrible time with me being gone that night which made me feel like complete crap. Mom said that she has never acted so clingy with me being gone. Which is very weird since i was gone for weeks at a time to the police academy? Maybe she wasnt feeling the best. She is such a mess this week though. I guess I'm paying for my mommy night out!! Anyways, I make my first car payment tomorrow and I'm very nervous about it. LOL! Money stresses me out so bad. I'm not sure why? I'm not a material person by any means but I do believe that money can make you happy because it can sure enough make ya sad!

Mom was put in the hospital Monday morning for her heart. She had been having chest pains through the weekend. When they did an EKG at the doctor it was abnormal, so they sent her on to be direct admitted. I dont think I have ever been so scared or cried so hard. I was so confused and really thought that she was playing a joke on me? I know, im crazy. But my mom is my best friend, and she has been through a lot lately..I just lost it. Thankfully God stood my family, listened to all of the prayers and all of the test came back fine. I've never been so happy to hear that. She got to come home yesterday afternoon. So thank you to everyone that has been praying for her over the past few days! I suppose I better get to doing somethings before I head to bed. loves & hugs*

So the big 2-1 has came and went, and i feel only a day older and still no fun. LoL! I'm only kidding. Yesterday for my birthday mom, Charli Beth and I went to the Lighthouse restraunt in Sulphur Wells, KY which I may add has the best food EVER. It is most deff. my favorite place in the world to eat. We then shopped for a while and picked up my birthday cake.(which i may add was adorable) I had cake with family and kiki, and charli's bestie Kaylen. I have decided to go out with friends and some friends of friends tomorrow night. I'm heading to Nashville tomorrow with my sister, my old roomie Stephanie from college and several of her friends from Owensboro, KY. I haven't ever taken a little trip like this but I am very excited to see how it will turn out. I also cant wait to spend time with my sister, I seriously dont think her and I have ever thought about going anywhere like this together before but I can already tell her and I will make it fun one way or another.I am sure I will be posting pictures on here or on myspace. I am very blessed to have some of the friends and family members that I do have.

My mom took this picture before we left for church sunday morning. Every since Charli and I have started attending church services with my mother at East Willow Church of God. I look forward to Sundays more. Not only to share the time with my two favs; mom and charli beth. But to be at the most wonderful feeling place in the world. When you step into the doors of this church if you dont feel the spirit there is something sure wrong with you. If you dont get the Lord's word out of Bro. Danny's preaching somethings wrong. I have never attended a Church of God regulary. My family has always went to Baptist church. A church that I will not name. I do not want to slander anyone or to even make someone feel that I am judging them in a way that I shouldnt. I'm just going to take a few moments to "make Bro. danny's head a bit bigger" lol. I have always felt that when becoming a preacher you do not take on just the responsibilties of sharing the word with your church members, but also helping them in times of need. Preachers are suppose to care about their members, the way they are living their lives, if their family is on the rocks, and so forth. Not just care about the family that they have of their own.

The church that I have just left from has never worried about the finding the good things in my life. Just being honest here. Everytime something goes wrong or they think that I may have started a new relationship up. Someone was to always put there nose, exactly where it does not belong. That is not what church is for. Church is for praising the big man above that has given us the ability and gifts that we have and recieve each and every day. I have honestly had a woman come to me and ask if I was messing with any of the officers that I work with since I hadnt been coming to church. (Are you kidding me?) When my daughter has been sick, in and out of the hospital. That preacher was never there. I believe out of all the times she was there, he called once. I could never describve how empty that has made me feel. Yes, there is plenty of thing that I could have been doing for this church. But exactly why would I want to be somewhere that I dont feel wanted? My mom started going to East Willow right before the last time Charli Beth was in the hospital for seizures. Guess who came to visit. Good ole' Bro. Danny Patrick. At the time I really didnt know anything about him besides my mom and some other family members telling me that he was such a great man of the Lord. And goodness, wasnt they right. There isnt a time that I go into the doors of East Willow without coming out around 2 o'clock with a heart of gold and huge smile on my face. We always play with Charli Beth saying that she has already had to much Church of God and we better get back to Baptist to get some of that spirit out of her. Are you kidding me? That spirit has just begun and I cant wait to see what else this church does with my life. =)

Charli and I took a trip to Glasgow today. I love our small little roadtrips where we can sing and dance with people driving by looking at us like we are crazy. She makes me the happiest person in the world. I get so tickled at her and start to cry thinking that times have flown by since she was just a little 4 lb 2 oz baby. Its amazing how fast they grow. I have a couple of friends that are starting to not come around and not speak as much anymore because Im a mother and I work all the time. But I am a point in my career that this is what it takes. Its not games anymore, this is my life. There are a couple of things that I want to acheive in the next couple of months that is going to take up even more of my time that I have already lost but I'm okay with that. I wont get to spend as much time with Charli but like I stated above, it's what it is going to take. I'm so excited about the future of everything that is going on in my life.

a good mommy and a young adult, is it possible?

So, I am starting or trying to plan for my 21st b-day weekend (which is FINALLY next weekend). And I have all the sudden started to have second thoughts on going. I'm not sure why but I always seem to start feeling guilty for going out. Most people wouldnt, or maybe they would? I have no idea. I'm not a mother that can leave my child all the time to run around. Heck I never do. The only times I have left her lately is WORK, WORK, and a bit of extra sleep today because I feel almost overwhelmed from WORK. lol. And i even felt guilt for this. Just like the title says can you honestly be young and be a good mom? I would hope so. Although in others eyes when they see you out and actually trying to have "you" time they think that your ditching your child. I'm not saying this all the time running around thing, like so many young parents do. Because that isnt right in my eyes what-so-ever. Who am I to judge though? I honestly believe that I am a good parent to Charli Beth. But whenever I decided to grow up over night and become the mommy I am today. I left the being young part far behind. Maybe thats the reason that whenever I do go out with friends for an evening..it's so kind of "blah." Since I have totally forgot how to act? haha. Then again, I hate feeling old. I have even stopped talking to and broke up with guys for acting so "old" but then I cant even act young? I plan to have one of the best nights ever with friends and tuck the guilt away for a little bit to have fun. It was just a question that I have been asking myself all day though.. So if you read this...give me your opionions on it.

p.s.
if you would like to join me in living up my 21st, just let me know ;o) haha*