Wednesday, December 19, 2012

Our Days Of Fear.

Lately, I have been avoiding my blog and mostly this post like there is no tomorrow. But I cannot run from needing to get my feelings, my frustration and my hurt for these families out. I avoided the news the day the tragedy of Newtown took place. Why you may ask? Because my heart simply could not handle it. I am not strong enough to watch these children be so scared and these families frantically cry out for the safety of their babies.

My daughter is 6 and she is the light of the my life; along with her brother. I can never imagine the pain of loosing her, like so many 6 year olds lost their lives in a very senseless way on Friday. Do I blame gun control, religion, his mother for teaching a person with mental illness how to use such a weapon, or the bastard himself behind this tragedy? I'm not sure. But I do know that God is the one who can take the pain and the fear that we all now stuck with away.

I sat in church Sunday with my arms wrapped around Charli and just cried. She is oblivious to the mass shooting, because I never want to take her sense of safety at school away. It isn't fair to her. It isn't fair to anyone that we are living in a day of fear. When I go to the movies, walmart or any other place my mind has always wondered off to a safety plan. But now I look for the nearest exits and the quickest way to hide my little ones or to get on them to protect them.

I understand living in a day of fear only because Curtis is a police officer. Daily I fear getting a call that something has happened to him. Two times, I have but thankfully they were from him and he was just fine. I have lost friends in car accidents. But living in fear of sending my daughter to elementary school is nonsense. It is completely the devil works and he is quickly taking over if we do not get back to the ground that our forefathers founded our country on.

My heart hurts for these families more than I can ever express in words. I am very sure that anyone who reads this can understand, especially if you have kids. But our pain and the media is not going to make things better for these families. Do I think it is okay for the media to be filming the processions of the funeral? Of course not. Let these babies and heroic teachers rest easy. It is their time to fly with Christ, not to be posted on every tv, computer and facebook page. I do want to know what was going through this mans mind when he acted upon is evil aggression but we will never really know.

But I do know that it will never change from this day forward that I will hug Charli with extra tight Momma bear arms as she heads out the door. I have cried as I sent her away and I will probably continue to do this from time to time. Even though she is literally at the back of the farm she is not close enough for myself to keep her safe. But I do know that her teacher who loves her babies with all of her heart will protect her. She sent all of the families the sweetest email on Monday morning explaining to us that she understands our fears and her first priority is our children when they arrive. I have prayed for Charli to have an exceptional teacher, and that prayer has been answered.

I know this Christmas we will all be hugging our families more gently but I also think we should be hugging our teachers a little more too. This is a prime example for all who have not seen before just how much of heroes our teachers really are.

I may be preaching to the choir but I ask you to pray for Newtown; most of all the families of the ones who went to be with the Lord on that senseless day for we will never really know their pain.


Sandi said...

Amen! This country is crumbling! Until everyone accepts responsibility for themself and surrenders to God then it's not getting any better. I am a first grade teacher and have a daughter in first grade. I have been so sad! It was an awful weekend! I just can't imagine what was going through that awful boys head. Prayers for the entire country.

Ali said...

The letter from Charli's teacher made me cry. How lucky you are to have such a wonderful person to watch over her. I also agree with everything else you said. This world is a scary, scary place right now so I'm so thankful we have our Lord and Savior to depend on.

Candice said...

How very kind of Charli's teacher to send a message like that. What a sweet-heart!

Story of Mommy

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I am a sinner saved by the grace of God. A wife to the 5oh, and Mother to Charli Beth and Bryar. This is my story of Motherhood, life experiences and sometimes even my overwhelming heart all typed out. I believe in second chances, yet the firm hand of parenting. That sweet tea is of the comfort food category. Chickens belong in every backyard. Children should each have a responsibility of their own while helping take care of duties in the home. Sports are a must for our family, and we spend many nights on courts or fields. We consistently feel new to each of the experiences that are brought into our lives. But we are always excited for the journey in which God has given us.

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