The Incredibly LATE Halloween post.

So I've neglected my blog again this month. To be honest, life and Mommy hood just get in the way. I constantly see Moms on Twitter talk about how they no longer blog, and it truly makes me sad that I've let my slip so far behind. A lot of days I am just to lazy to work my little fingers more than I already had during the day. 

Saying that I love Halloween is an understatement. I love getting crafty, a little spooky or even a little crazy {Just kidding. Our kind of crazy is sitting at my gradnma's eating soup.} 

Charli picked out their matching costumes last Halloween. It is my favorite thing to have them matching on Halloween, and thankfully they love it too. Hopefully this will last a few more years, or else I may have children who hate Halloween after I punish them into wearing my picks. (The joys of parenthood.)

This year we attended the church Harvest Festival. Despite the chilly weather we really enjoyed our night as a family playing games and fellowshipping with church members. We knew that Curtis had to work on Halloween night so we tried to make this night count. The forecast for Halloween was also looking crummy. Which was exactly right. On Friday night as we went from church to church trying to stay warm, it started sleeting on us very very heavily. It was SO strange for southern Kentucky. I even noticed an elderly man holding his hands out saying, "well, I've never in my life..."

Mine either.

So that was the end of our trick or treating. We headed into the heat but mainly for the soup, sausage balls and deserts. It is always such a blessing to me at my grandmothers with the entire family packed in. The kids may run wild, and Pa may tackle a few every now and then but I wouldn't have it any other way. 

To much surprise Charli Beth does not have their costumes picked for next year. I'm sure she will come up with something great but it will hard to beat the little bull (bushwhacker) and rodeo clown. 

The Three-nager Is Upon Us...

Just like that, my sweet cuddly, Mommy loving baby Bryar went from sweetness to a three-nager.

Never heard of it before?

Let me explain.

It sometimes looks like this:

Then five seconds later it is batting it's big blue eyes saying, "I sowwy Mommy."

The tip of your Mommy heart breaks off, and you hug your toddler because you know in five seconds he will once again look like the first picture. I'm not sure how they do it. How they wrap us in time, after time. But they know what they're doing and they're little pros at it. 

The day that Bryar turned three the world we knew took a turn. He started speaking more, then came the attitude, hands on the hips, pouting, yelling and even trying to hit. Along with this has come a lot of talking, spankings, time outs and even moments walking away to wipe my own tears. 

Parenting is tiresome. Teaching respect is even more than exhausting. 

I never want to hear someone say terrible twos, again. I love my sweet (when he wants to be) boy but threes are terrifying at times. It's extremely true that the person who made the term, "terrible twos" had not witnessed the grand age of three. 

I strive to always deal with things properly but let's be honest. We are human. We're not super Moms 24/7, even though we strive to be. I have struggled very much with my parenting abilities; weaknesses and achievements. I am more than certain that I've shown my weak moments more than my positive ones this week, this month or even year. 

The hardest part of parenting has to be that spilt second after a moment occurs and you think "Holy haystacks, I should have dealt with that differently." But as I lie here in bed, wishing I could go to sleep, because every bone aches and I feel as if they have sucked the breath right out of my lungs for the night, I am at peace. 

Why, you ask? 

Because thankfully, we have a savior who gives us grace. We are even given grace when it comes to parenting our backwards head, screaming, arms up in the air just so you will drop them, "no!" yelling three year olds.

I will wake up in the morning, with a <l> half way </l> fresh mind and I will continue to tackle the challenge of teaching respect. Because if I do not now, then who will later. Even if it is tough, it is my responsibility to take on. 

"It is easier to build strong children, than to repair broken men." 

Why Am I So Passionate?

Lately I have been questioning my passion for politics. I thought well maybe it is my age or maybe I am just getting old. Even though I am vocal when I feel that I need to be, I feel as a sense of peace and pride about this passion of mine. 

I raised a lot of brows on Facebook when it came to a political election that was not even in my county. It was actually in my home town. A town that I love, was raised in and worked for during a great deal of my adulthood. I felt that my opinion and stance was something that others could read, that they had no idea what we experienced in office. The race was ugly and seemed to get uglier by the days. But I stepped in. Not because I wanted to cause trouble but because I have a passion. After working four years within law enforcement and now being the wife to a police officer, my passion still lies there. 

The one Wednesday night I sat at church speaking to an elder man who was a veteran about some political issues that I was concerned about. I wanted the view of a veteran so I sought to him for my answers.  Every question that I asked, he would give his answer then say, "when our country no longer votes that is when it is really over. We have been defeated when we no longer care to vote."

Even though I have always been a voter and put a lot of decision into who I casted my vote for, his words stung me. It left me thinking that I am raising my children into a nation of non-voters. Or better yet, we have become a nation of voters who just do not care. It still stings when I think of his words, with his hands squeezing together in urgency that he fought for a county who is not standing where it was founded upon. That moment I decided that my passion, was okay. My vocal words of praise or words of what I feel is not right, were okay. 

I am very happy with election turn outs from yesterday's polls. Except for one, we have a dear friend who is a sheriff in a county and lost. His loss will bring a great deal of change to a county who needs his sheriff capabilities the most. I'm not understanding why these citizens made this change but I know that he and the deputies who are leaving will find a place of belonging. You will never know how a race may go, and for some of us that is very scary. 

{I should have posted this days ago.} I urge you no matter what your occupation is, or where you passion lies do your reach. Talk to the politicians, seek advice, tell the candidates what you have liked or what you have not. Just never have an attitude about not caring. Our freedom to vote was fought and died for. We control our votes and it is the only way to make the change that you could possibly want. But as I tell my preschool friends.. 

You get what you get, and don't throw a fit. 

Bryar's First Field Trip

On Bryar's second day of preschool he was able to enjoy our first field trip of the year. He was more than excited about riding a school bus than he was about any other part of the day. 

We are studying trees in preschool so we attended Lost River Cave to meet with a naturalist and an arborist. What amazing careers they both have!

The attention span of a brand new three year old is not very long. After asking for lunch approximately 4,768 times he fell asleep. Sadly, it was only about 15 minutes until they were able to eat so he woke right up for his peanut butter and jelly, he was craving so much. 

On the ride home I was able to sit with him and the rest of our friends at the back. I tried snapping his photograph just as we passed the farm. He was really excited to see our house and everything as we made our way back to school.

Being teacher and Mommy is not an easy role to play. To be honest by Thursday night of his first week, I could of cried from exhaustion. It seems that he is getting better each day of attendance. His vocabulary is growing with each week as well. It's so fun hearing the new words and phrases he is coming up with. 

I can only imagine the growth that he will accomplish in this school year. It is already evident in the children that started school at the beginning of the year, so I know it will be a short amount of time for Bryar as well. 

Bryar's First Day of Preschool

On Tuesday of this week Bryar started preschool at the local elementary school. It was a big exciting day that we had been waiting to arrive for quiet sometime. Since Bryar was involved in First Steps to help with his speech delay, it made him eligible to enroll in preschool the day he turned 3. Even though I was very skeptical of this for a while, I believe it was a great decision for Bryar in the long run. 

Isn't he just the cutest little boy? That sneaky little grin is so contagious yet makes me wonder what he will be up to next. 

Bryar will be in the preschool classroom that I aide in but either way his attendance is bittersweet. It seems like yesterday that I was holding him in my arms, breathing in that fresh new baby scent. 

I was so excited that Curtis was in the area to help walk Bryar into his first day. He was pretty overwhelmed with the buses and the "big" school. 

I felt that he overall had a great first day. He painted a, "cow" and worked on plenty of puzzles. He spent the rest of the day checking things out, especially the class restroom and bunny. 

I am fairly certain that I have heard, "Mommy come" or "Mommy help" a gazillion times. 

He ate lunch well and played with other children. It seems that everyone has taken over the nurturing role since he is now the, "baby" of the class. 

Mat time is during my lunch and I've worried over this time since I knew we were in the same room. But he was a champ and handled it perfectly. 

It rained during his first day and I was a hot mess so it took all I had to share. So I made it black & white but it still counts right? 

I am excited to see how much he grows each year along with the rest of the preschoolers in the class. Everyday is new with these children and the amount of information we are sharing with them this early in life is so important. This will be an amazing year as a teacher and maybe even a very tiresome year as a Mommy! 

A Beautiful Mess of A Marriage.

Marriage talk is always something that bloggers are so sparse to talk in. But it is a discussion that has been on my heart for quiet sometime now. Every situation is different and every love story has it's on fairy tale to work through. Some of us complicate our tales by our own sins or life lessons that we have learned along the way. The others of us were just giving a path that we may have been so very clueless on, yet we thought we knew it all. 

When I was in high school I would {jokingly} mention how the cute guys would one day be my husband. Typically, they were the handsome country boys that I just happened to feel I could mold into whatever I wanted. Wouldn't that be the day?! I would casually say, "I'll marry that boy someday.." and my best friend would always ask just how many husbands do you plan to have? Well, one to be exact I would reply with the intentions of it being the biggest dream come true of a fairy tale, ever. 

Then I made some choices and later on I saw two pink lines. My life was forever changed. My world of fairy tale dreams came to a cease as I started preparing for a little girl who I was clueless on how to raise, especially as a single Mother. Gasp... There it goes, the easy marriage and thought of the well rounded family stopped. As time went by and my darling Charli Beth arrived I became okay with that. Although, in being "okay" I became bitter, cold and just so out of touch with finding the person who I was to spend my life with. I surrounded my personal life with the love from Charli and sank into it deep. I dated from time to time and even at my own expense of wasting a few years. I picked some good guys, some bad ones, some lairs and even my all time least favorite of a cheater. It was quiet the experience. But experience is what you need when you are searching for the love, of a life time. 

Then long and behold after 4 years 8 months of loving Charli souly, I met Curtis. It was fun, charming, head over heels, reach for the stars kind of puppy love. Within two weeks he told me he loved me... (whoa) a few months later, we were engaged. I also found out that he purchased my engagement ring the month we started dating. (Whoa,again) Not what I expected but we managed to choose his role for our lives. Within 6 months of dating, we were married. 

This is where the good, the bad and the even uglier comes out. 

Our honeymoon was the spitting image of perfection and we lived wonderfully for a week soaking up the days of just us. (Oh,don't forget the sweet baby boy kicking around) By the time we arrived home, we were both very ready to start our new life together. 

Then the bricks hit.

Me parenting with someone else? What? I had to consultant with another person on the decisions I made for Charli?! It was hard to say the least. It was hard for me to realize that I couldn't be as dependent as I once was. (This is still incredibly hard for me most days.) Curtis becoming a full time Father over night, I'm sure was not the easiet thing. Our first two weeks at home in our newlywed bliss actually turned into a lot of fighting, a lot of tears and then eventually some amazing "marriage moments." 

We truly laugh about how we never fought before marriage then once the rings were on, our gloves came off. 

It was a difficult transition and one that I've grown in over the years. It's changed the women that I am, the Mother and the Wife. I would hope to think for the better. But I can almost gaurnatee that my Husband may not agree some days. 

I once heard in a sermon that the person we fall in love with is not the person we are truly marrying. To make a marriage work, we must be happy with this. We must be willing to change with the times, and to know that this person is still the person you truly love. Even if they chew with their mouth open, or pick at their nails while you're watching a movie. Because in reality you may snap an attitude at them as quick as a red light can turn green. You may yell at them for working too much. Or even for working too much. It happens. We all become stuck within our ways and sometimes forget that we are impacting the lives of others, not just our own.

Even after nearly five years of marriage, we went to sleep last night angry at one another. Some folks and even pastors will plead at you to not do this. But for us, our tempers and the marriage we behold, it's best for us to just roll over and go to sleep. Marriage is ugly. We fight, we're mad and can even hold grudges at one another than at our enemies. But without the ugly, there wouldn't be those beautiful moments of marriage where we cannot stop laughing. Or the moments when we find a new reason to love our spouse. When you look over in the car and instantly think, "I really am blessed." 

Marriage is a complete beautiful mess, that each couple must make of its own. 

It's simply amazing how much each of us change throughout our journey of adulthood. Although, I am still certain even after these few short years, a million fights, even more laughs, and love that I picked the right person for our lives. No matter how hard our journey is, even after these years, he still has all of my heart. 

Thank you for loving me even when I'm the hardest to love. When it comes to loving a woman, it cannot be easy. Especially when it comes to someone whose emotions can turn a 360 in a matter of minutes. Thank you for bringing the laughs, the solid hand of parenting and karaoke moments to our family. Even though we call you the grump ole' troll, we're always a loss when you're away. It makes my heart cringe at seeing you work so much for our family. But even though it angers me on days that I'm so tired I can barely think straight, I know it's out of love. Your sense of providing for us, is more than admireable. The way you love may be confusing at times, but our friendship and talks brings me back to the reality that you really are a simple man out of uniform. I cannot image how hard it is to turn the switch from law enforcer to family man. Which is more than likely why I fuss about it from time to time. We cannot understand this, unless we walk to beat in your shoes. I will try my best to never act as if I do understand, as long as I have your love. Thank you for picking Charli Beth and I do many years ago. The difficulties, challenges, and moments that we have faced I hope will continue to bring out those amazing, "marriage moments."

I am thankful for you today, and everyday. 

Mommy & Charli Day!

It seems in a flash of an eye my daughter has grown from a toddler to a third grader. We seem to spend a lot of our day chasing her toddler brother around and trying to make sure each other keeps sane. Her in the aspect of a older, bossy, much more mature sister and myself just as this old Mom that I am. Before Bryar was born I tried to make it a regular idea that her and I needed time together, alone. It isnt that I want to spoil her or give her an unfair amount of attention that I strive to do this. I just want her to feel important and loved just as much as her attention seeking three year old brother. 

Charli is such a wonderful part of me. She has always brought out the best of me and anyone around her. To me she is just the right amount of joy in a child. Don't get me wrong, sometimes she can talk my head off for so long I count down the minutes until bedtime or she sasses me and I have to snap her back into reality. But she is everything I wasn't as a child, which was what I exactly should have been. 

I won tickets from a local radio station as well as a news station over the summer to Holiday World & Splashin' Safrai. Obviously, summer has come to a close so we decided to use our last full day of Fall Break to head to Santa Claus, Indiana for their Halloween Weekends. You may not know this but I am a huge Halloween fan. I give thanks to the great Halloween parties we had as children but I am all about the family time, food, candy and matching family costumes rather than a scary zombie apocalypse.

 First we began our day by picking a random family in line and rewarding them with two free tickets. Then We spent our day riding a few rides and roller coasters. We also went through 3-D mazes, as well as a carnival clown maze (by the way I am not a fan of those creepers) and then we successfully completeled a 12 acre corn maze with getting all 8 stops in. We are lots of good food and laughed until we cried at some points. 

I believe one of our favorite parts of the day was the Graveyard Smash. These were men and women dressed up singing hit songs in a monster mash version along with some awesome choreography. They were really really good. Not to mention, they were super sweet to the kids which made it even more family friendly. 

We were going to hang around for th e trick or treat trail but this Momma was tired and really was not prepared for the drive home. 

Charli did dress up as a doctor though. I honk she may very well be the one to cure Ebola....

All in all it was a wonderful day at the perfect place to hang out with Charli Beth. 

Gut Wrenching.

This Wednesday my Dad started his chemotherapy and radiation journey. This process will be for 6 weeks then he will have surgery in hopes of removing the mass. The chemo will be taken in the morning and at night while he has to go into the office for radiation. Because of this process he will not be able to work during this journey. As for any person who is a hard worker and a provider for his family, this is a tough task to swallow. 

With my Dad being an owner-operator truck driver this is also a life changing event. Around a year ago he purchased a dream truck, it was white and chromed out to rhe largest extent. It was so nice that he was asked to bring it to a national truck show held in Lousiville, Kentucky earlier this year. He holds a great passion for his career and he vehicles he drives. You could catch him outside in the rain, sleet or even snow cleaning in rig to make sure it was spiffy for the next go around. 

On Tuesday, my Mom called to tell me that he sold his truck. It was a shocker to us all as we really didn't even see this as an option. He told her that it was a God that and even though it was bittersweet, he was relieved to not stress abou the payments for the time being. Which I admire for having the strength and making the sacrifice. 

I will just be honest though and say that it literally has ripped my heart into pieces for him. I've caught myself crying several times for him and having to give up so much of him because of this, "bad C word." It makes me just want to lay down in the floor and throw a Bryar fit until this person returns the truck. But is that really possible? Of course not. 

This is just a big thing to swallow as his daughter. To know his love and where his passion lies and to see it go. It breaks me for him although I can gaurntee that this kid will never be able to make it shine and sparkle like he can. I continue to tell myself that there are a million other trucks but there will never be a man like him. I just pray that God has the perfect rig waiting to be purchased at the end of this journey with a clean bill of health.

Shine on.